Two cars in every pot and a chicken in every garage.
Two double cheese burgers, a large fry and a diet coke.
Two good talkers are not worth one good listener. -Chinese Proverb
Two great American narcotics: Alcohol and Christianity.
Two kids and they're not twins? How'd you get laid more than once?
Two monologues do not make a dialogue. - DeNever
Two most beautiful words in the English language: "Cheque Enclosed".
Two most common elements: Hydrogen and Stupidity.
Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity.
Two peoples separated by a common language.
Two ROMs don't make a write.
Two ways to drive a Hummer: Get rich or join the army.
Two wrongs.... are only the beginning!
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left!
Two wrongs don't make a right but, two Wrights made an aeroplane
TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY; HUNDREDS DEAD.
Typical homocentric view to consider humans to be the only Canadians.
UART what you eat.
UDD's Law of Drunkenness: You can't fall off the floor.
Uh...excuse me...but your message made my spell checker barf!
Ultimate office automation: Networked coffee machines!
Unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought.
Uncertainty: Finding your wife reading your Will.
Uncle Dirty Dave = crudely deviant.
Undercooked turkeys kill an estimated 53 billion Americans annually. Understanding is a two-way street.
Understatement is always best.
Understatement is always, but always, best.
Unexpected Systems Event.....Panic Dump taken...Abort!!!!
Unexplained error. Please tell us how it happened.
Unfortunately my highly efficient filing system collapsed on Thursday.
Unicorns aren't mythical - virgins are!
Unicorns aren't nearly as mythical as virgins.
Union mercenary #2063. Spam this account at your own risk.
Unix IS user-friendly - it's just choosy about its friends.
Unknown Error on Unknown Device for Unexplainable Reason.
Unknown Media in A:\ tastes like a graham cracker.
Unleavened bread is bread made without any ingredients.
Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.
unless you got the thing in your hand.
Unless you happen to own the restaurant...there ain't no "free lunch."
Unlike Dave S, real vegetarians don't consider pork a vegetable.
Unlucky? If I bought a pumpkin farm, they'd cancel Halloween.
Unnecessarily rude behaviour should be a capital offense.
Unrecoverable error. System destroyed.
Unspeakably nasty, even for scottish food.
UPDATE ? Give it to your dog....He'll know what to do with it.
Upgrades will continue until the hardware won't run it.
Upset the apple cart. The apples are going to rot anyway.
Upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.
Ura Montanan if football widows are rare because the men hunt instead.
Ura Montanan if pasties are in restaurants, not girlie shows.
Ura Montanan if the Farm Bureau meeting is a big social event.
Ura Montanan if the only coats you own are hunter's orange.
Ura Montanan if ur favorite restaurant makes buffalo-meat hamburgers.
Ura Montanan if your first date was to go gopher hunting.
Ura Montanan if your highest education was the Hunters' Safety course.
Ura Montanan if your hunting gear is worth more than your truck.
Ura Montanan if your idea of gourmet food is buffalo burgers.
Ura Montanan if your idea of gourmet food is Rocky Mountain Oysters.
Ura Montanan if you set up your hunting tent in your driveway.
Ura Montanan if you think the 1st day of hunting season is a holiday.
Ura Montanan if you've ever taken sick leave to go hunting.
URA Redneck if people ask permission to hunt in the front yard.
Ura Redneck if people hunt in your front yard.
URA Redneck if the cottage cheese tub in your ice box holds worms.
URA Redneck if you dress up the kids to go to Wal-Mart.
URA Redneck if you get into a custody fight over a hunting dog.
URA Redneck if you get Odor-Eaters as a Christmas present.
URA Redneck if you give Your Wife A Shotgun, For Christmas.
URA Redneck if your best suit includes an orange hunting vest.
Ura Redneck if your chili's secret ingredient comes from a bait shop.
URA Redneck if your Christmas cards include a Xerox copy of your butt.
URA Redneck if your Christmas tree has a deer stand in it.
URA Redneck if your mailbox is in the shape of any farm animal.
URA Redneck if your mailbox is made from an old farm plow.
Ura Redneck if your mother has ammo on her Christmas list.
URA Redneck if you think beef jerky is the only major food group.
URA Redneck if you use a farm tractor to mow your yard.
URA Redneck if you've been a snipe hunter more than once.
URA Redneck if you've been in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
Ura Redneck if you've ever fed your date french fries in a Denny's.
Ura True Northerner if any of your hobbies require dogs and a sled.
URA True Northerner if people ask to hunt in your back yard.
URA True Northerner if sittin on yer deck shootin ravens is fun.
URA True Northerner if you and your wife have matching 4X4s.
URA True Northerner if you don't need a clean shirt to go to work.
URA True Northerner if you have a `dress' parka.
URA True Northerner if you have ever BBQ'd in a blizzard.
URA True Northerner if you own a homemade fur coat.
URA True Northerner if your deep freezer is the back porch.
URA True Northerner if you've ever given leg-hold traps as a gift.
URA True Northerner if you've ever had a custody fight over a Skidoo.
URA True Northerner if you've ever shot dinner from inside your house.
Use blow dryer to speed up defrosting TV dinners.
Use cayenne instead of Vicks Vaporub to relieve your kids congestion.
Used car ad: Rare '85 Mercedes. One of a kind!!! Two in stock!!!
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first.
Use it up. Wear it out. Make it do Or do without.
Use laughter freely. We have an unlimited supply.
Useless as preparing a gourmet French meal for a Labrador retriever.
Use Microsoft products. Hail Satan.
User error. It's not our fault. Is not! Is not!
USER ERROR: Replace user and press any key to continue.
USER FAILURE IN 30 SECONDS !
Users: Keep them dry and don't feed them after midnight.
User: Someone requiring drug rehabilitation.
Use subdirectories; keep your FAT thin!
Use tasteful words. You might have to eat them.
Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate;
Use your own tagline, this one belongs to someone else.
Use your own tagline, this one's MINE!!
U.S. Mint workers on strike-they want to make less money.
Utah wine list (red, white, pink)
UUUlllph!!! I'm having chest pains! Musta been that chili dog.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Variables won`t; constants aren`t; dummies can't.
Vee have vays of making you use Vindows! - Adolf Gates
Vegemite: a tribute to the marketing efforts of Australian brewers.
Vegemite on Bread: The Ultimate Sandwich.
Vegemite: otherwise brewers would have to pay landfill fees.
Vegens seriously piss people off.
Vegetables lack purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
Vegetarian ... American Indian name for "lousy hunter"...
Vegetarian: A person who eats only side dishes. - Gerald Lieberman
Vegetarian ham now in chicken flavour?!?
Vegetarianism is a harmless enough perversion.
Vegetarianism is harmless but apt to fill a man with wind.
Vegetarianism is harmless but leads to wind and self-righteousness.
Vegetarians reject the central tenet of consumerism: excess consumption. Vegetarians: the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit.
Ve have vays of makink you obey zee rules on zia board!
Velveeta: A legend in its own whey.
Velveeta cheese ??? Somebody get a rope !
Velveeta on Wonder Bread with a Bud Lite!
Veni, vedi, ineV = I came, I saw, I turned around.
Veni Vidi Fetuccini: I came, I saw, I had lunch.
Veni, Vidi, Sushi...I came, I saw, I ate a raw fish.
Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
Verily I say unto you, doowaah diddy, diddy dum diddy dooo!
Vermont ("The Wind Chill Factor State")
Vermont USA: 18th-century charm, 19th-century conveniences
Vermont USA: 9 months of winter, 3 months of darn poor skiiing
Vertically challenged and horizontaly enhanced :-(
Very few people actually like barbecue slaw.
"Very funny, Scotty - now beam up my clothes!"
Very good, Einstein, but next time show your work.
"Vesele Bozicne. Screcno Novo Leto." - Slovene Christmas
"Vesele Vianoce. A stastlivy Novy Rok." - Slavak Christmas
"Veselykh Svyat i scaslivoho Novoho Roku." - Ukranian Christmas
Via Electronic Carrier Pigeon.
Vibrating pocket pagers, a whole new dimension of phone sex.
Vikki, Vikki, Vikki, Vikki, Vikki, Vikki, Vikki
Violence in reality is quite different from theory.
Violence is a sword that has no handle - you have to hold the blade.
Violence is now mainly organized and governmental. - B. Russell.
Violence is the last word of the incompetant. Also the first.
Violence never solved anything. Try telling the Carthaginians.
Violence never solves anything, but it sure makes me feel good.
Vioxx pulled from the market; clinical trials show it may contain carbs.
Virgin wool comes from *UGLY* sheep!
VIRGIN WOOL: Wool from a sheep that could outrun the farmer.
Virtual 8088: simultaneous drinking & typing.
Virtue is it's own punishment.
Virus located. Delete c:\window\*.*? y/n
Visualize whirled peas...
Void where prohibited by common sense....
VOLCANIC ERUPTION: New Zealand weed killing method.
Voles: the pest exterminators final frontier.
Volkswagen: A transistorized Mercedes Benz.
Volume in drive C: is TOO_LOUD.
Voodoo is a pin in the ass.
Vote for Bush and fuck America = Rated such a maverick buffoon.
Vote NO with the weapon of your choice.
"Vrolijk Kerstfeest en een gelukkig nieuwjaar." - Dutch Christmas
Vuja De - The feeling you've never been here before...
Vulgarity: The linguistic crutch of inarticulate morons.
Wadda ya expect from a nice Italian girl?
Waddya mean; Eat it, it's still movin'!
Waffle House...Breakfast of Champions and Insomniacs.
Waffle Irons: "Ribbed for her pleasure."
Waffles are no more than a vehicle for butter & syrup.
Wage Peace.
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
Wagner's "Ride of the Valkeries" - War's theme song!
Wagner: The original heavy metal composer.
Wait 3 days until Christ is risen, bake in a 450 oven & serve!
Waitaminit... this burger has TOES!
Waiter! Another round for my friends here!
Waiter! Check please!
Waiter, I'll have what the guy writhing on the floor had.
Waiter! My escargot is covered with snails!
Waiter, there's no fly in my soup! -Kermit The Frog
Waiter! There's soup on my fly!
Waiter! Two pieces of bread! I'm gonna make a sandwich!
Waiter, we'll try what that couple under the table had.
Waiter, what did the dead man have? I want anything else.
Wait! I'll be right down! Save me a couple of glasses of it!
Wait! I'm a PEACEFUL burglar! It's NOT a REAL gun! "BLAM"
Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
Waiting for the dinner bell to do the bell thing.
Waiting for the world's applause.
Waiting like a stalking butler.
Waitin' on a train in a railway station, one toke over the line.
Wait; it gets better.
Wait! Let me rephrase that.
Wait minute, I'm talking to Bill Gates.
Waitress! *glare* This roadkill is not properly aged!
Wait. That's been done...
Wait!, there MUST be an unsupported way.
Wait till your father gets home.
Wait until it is night before saying it has been a fine day.
Wait while I look up Unicorn. No sense shooting it if it's extinct.
Wake me up on payday.
Wake me when it's over.
Wake up earthling, you haven't got all light-year!
Wake up, its time for your sleeping pills.
Waking a person unnecessarily should be considered a capital crime.
Walk barefoot in wet grass....
Walk in Beauty, dance with the Clouds
Walking into the jaws of Death so's you can steal His gold teeth.
Walking on water is NOT part of my job description!
Wall to wall women and twice as many breasts. Lovely!
Walton's Law of Politics: "A fool and his money are soon elected."
Wal-Wart numbness is a national cancer.
Wandering around Italy in a big shirt, trying to get laid.
Wanders off in an insane daze singing to himself.
Wanna come to the gym with me? hunh? You misspelled "pub".
Wanna flirt with disaster? Become a sysop!
Wanna take a ride in a BIG car, little girl?
Want 20/20 hindsight? Go read History .............
Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.
Wanted: Food Lion Deli workers, No ethics required.
Wanted: good vegetarian stuffing for turkey.
Wanted: Guillotine operator. Good chance to get ahead.
Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
Wanted: Man to wash dishes and two waitresses.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
WANTED: Nanny for middle aged boys.
Wanted: somebody to pay me to do what I want!
Want faster Windows? Throw it harder.
Want some candy little girl? It's chocolate!
Want to confuse people? Quote from the wrong message!
Want to look young and thin? Hang around with old fat people.
Want to own a small business? Buy a big one and wait.
Want to own a small business? Buy a big one and wait...
Want your coffee black ? Are there any other colors ?
"War against Terror!" - Means no more Hollywood horror movies?
WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE.
Ward, I'm worried about the Beaver.
Ward, the Beaver blew up the Dairy Queen again!
Ward, you were pretty rough on the Beaver last night.
War has been the most enduring of all cultural traditions.
War is... a trinity of violence, chance, and reason. -Clausewitz
War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.
WARNING!! 100% Matter Product - do NOT mix with Antimatter!
!WARNING(205): Power not on. Press any key to continue.
Warning: Do not reuse tagline. Discard safely after use.
Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
WARNING!! I'm naked under these clothes!!
Warning - I'm schizophrenic and I may mob you.
Warning: It is not for the easily offended or desperately sensitive.
Warning: It is not for the squeamish or the humor impaired.
WARNING!! lack of sincerity noted in above message WARNING!! ;*)
*WARNING* Message explodes when deleted!
WARNING: The Surgeon General Started Smoking!
WARNING: To avoid injury, do not tell me how to do my job!
Warp 3, Scotty... and close those damn Windows!
Warped, and proud of it.
War, pestilence, reality TV, that stuff doesn't just happen by itself. Warranty: If it breaks, both halves are yours.
Warranty (n.): See Disclaimer.
Wars don't decide who's right. They decide who's left.
Wasabi is of course the best reason to eat sushi.
Washington DC: Southern Efficiency, Northern Charm.
Was one of Santa's reindeer named "Sneezy"?
Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.
Was that a fart or did you just shit yourself?!!!
Was that you I saw in that Adult gif?
Was there foreplay before the Big Bang?
Was this post supposed to be On Topic?
Watch this space for an original recipe for Cat Chili.
Watch this space. Now blink. Now go to next message.
Watch where you go...remember where you've been...
Watch your step when you immediately know the one way to do anything.
Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin.
Water is never tired of flowing.
Water? Never touch the stuff - fish ork in it.
Water, water, everywhere...police mopping up scene of the crime ;*)
Ways to skin a cat: #27 --- Use a belt sander.
Way, total way, total curds and way!
We [0Me!U EACe. GiVe uf YOUg AmM0UiA o+ Die.
We accept all major credit cards. Maria Carey GIFs are OK, too.
We accept stock market tips.
We aim to kidnap you and hold yer upper-class carcass fer ransom!
We ain't afraid of no code.
We ain't cheap, but by gosh, we're good!
<weak grin> Heh heh. I thinks I has revealed my ignorance.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
We all are immortal for a limited time.
We ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
We all come from our own little planets.
We all end up chopping cotton for the Man.
We all go a little mad sometimes.
We _all_ have fantasies and dreams we keep to ourselves.
We all have opinions. Mine are the correct ones.
We all have style, but few have class.
We all know you're a masticator.
We all learn by experience but some of us have to go to summer school.
We all live in a yellow subroutine.
We *ALL* start with 0 Taglines. Then, we all {*urp*} grow!
We already know who your friends and family are. - AT&T and ATF.
Wealth is what you have. Worth is what you are.
We always fight about money and sex. She charges me too much.
We Americans are a simple people but piss us off & we'll bomb you.
We apologize for the previous apology.
Weapons-grade capsicum has a pleasant roasted-pepper flavor.
Weapons-grade capsicum has a tinny after taste.
We are after all professionals here.
We are all dying - and we're gonna be dead for a long time.
We are all going to die of cancer (this week)
We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars.
We are all in this alone.
We are all just Crash Dummies on the Information Superhighway.
We are all life support systems for ova and sperm.
We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine.
We are all novices. Only the dead have nothing left to learn.
We are all on our best behaviour in the presence of a famous person.
We are all passengers in the leaky rowboat of life. So bail faster.
We are all pilgrims on the same journey but some have better road maps.
We are all prisoners of our own device.
We are all reasonable men here.
We are all seekers, the difference is only in degree and direction.
We are all self-made, but only the rich will admit it.
We are all the hero of our personal comic book.
We are all too ready to imitate the base and the depraved.
We are all travelers from our birth until our death.
We Are All Very Serious About Not Wasting Time On Idle Chat.
We are all vulnerable in one way or another.
We are all worms but I do believe I am a glowworm.
We are always getting ready to live but never living.
We are always the same age inside.
We are a monopoly phone company. Resistance is futile.
We are an impossibility in an impossible universe.
We are annoying...and virtually unemployable.
We are anthill men upon an anthill world.
We are as God made us and often a great deal worse.
We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it.
We are beautiful and dangerous.
We are because God is.
We are born believing. A man bears beliefs, as a tree bears apples.
We are born crying, live complaining, and die disappointed.
We are born into danger; we leave it only when we die.
We are born naked, wet and hungry - and then things get worse.
We are born to the world with nothing. Everything after that is profit.
We are born to the world with nothing. I still have most of it!!!
We are bound to our bodies like an oyster is to its shell.
We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.
We are cool and you are not.
We ARE demons, we DO eat children & I haven't had supper!
We are doomed.
We are drowning in information, but starved for knowledge.
We are each entitled to our own opinion, not our own facts.
We are ethically compelled to deny your demands!
We are everywhere!
We Are Everywhere.
We are everywhere! Unfortunately, so are they.
We are experiencing system trouble - do not adjust your terminal.
We are free, but not to be evil.
We are from the Government. Please grab your ankles.
We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up.
We are given children to test us & make us more spiritual.
We are going to create a whole new type of disfunction.
We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.
We are gonna pick on you! Just deal with it dearheart!
We Are Hard Pressed On Every Side, But Not Crushed.
We are having fun!
We are here for your intelligence briefing, nothing else.
We are here rape yer horses and keel all yer weemen.
We are here to ridicule reality.
We are holding your refrigerator hostage!
We are in a mood tonight, aren't we?
We are in bondage to the law in order that we may be free.
We are in deep, *deep* trouble guys.
We are in the Cooking Section, save your fantasies for Unmitigated Sex!
We are involved in precision guessing.
We are just here for a spell. Get all the good laughs you can.
We are lived by Powers we pretend to understand.
We are living in a golden age. All you need is gold.
We are males, hear us roar, we are macho dinosaurs...
We are more anxious to speak than to be heard. - Thoreau
We are never so generous as when giving advice.
We are not amused.
We are not foodies, we chowhounds.
We are NOT going 3500 kilometres an hour. That's the tachometer.
We are not interested in the possibilities of defeat.
We are not making Stove Top, shove off.
We are not ready for an unseen event that may not even occur. - Dan Quayle
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
We are not so much concerned if you are slow as when you come to a halt.
We are not the product of our past. We are the product of our choices.
We Are Not Who We Are.
We are not yet free nor will we be as long as anyone controls our news.
We are now armed with... MIGHTY JOINT!
We are on a roll! Cavorting on the Butter!
We are only cave men who have lost their cave.
We are only doing what we can do best.
We Are Open Seven Days A Week, Including Sundays.
We are operating on many levels here.
We are pilgrims in an unholy land.
We are precisely the men your mother warned you about.
We are prepared to go to the gates of hell - but no further.
We are prisoners of ideas.
We are professionals: don't attempt this in your own kitchen!
We are professionals: don't attempt this on your own PC!
We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.
We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
We are scientists, get outta our way!
We are slow drips without coffee.
We are star-stuff. We are the universe made manifest.
We are the Illuminati and we just know.
We Are The Magic Makers And We Are The Dreamers Of Dreams.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
We are the universe incarnate trying to figure itself out.
We are the very model of cartoon individuals.
We are, unfortunately, a nation of expedients.
We are upping our standards ... so up yours.
We are watching, and we are always here.

WE<>ARE<>WATCHING<>YOU <<<<<<<<<<<<

We are what we are.
We are what we are, for which I give eternal thanks.
We are what we do, not what we say.
We are what we pretend to be.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
We as individuals are the last defense against evil.
We ate, we drank, and we were merry / And we got typhoid and dysentery. ..Weather I'm right, or weather I'm wrong.... ;*)
Weather pays no attention to criticism.
We be 'jammin.
We believe in free will. We have no choice in the matter.
We belong to the Earth, and not it to us.
We border on genius and insanity.
We Borrow the Earth from our Children.
We both have WAY too much time on our hands.
We both like to color outside of the lines.
We bought a mobile home. Hung it from the ceiling.
We bought the effect, we're gonna use it.
We brake for tailgaters.
We broke up but she said we could still be cousins.
We build our ideals and they in turn build us.
We came for your pop tarts! Take me to your toaster!
We came in peace, but you attacked us like beasts.
We Canadians say 'eh', eh?
We can defeat gravity, the problem is the paperwork involved.
We can do things cheap, good, or fast. Pick any 2.
We can easily endure adversity. Another man's I mean. - Twain
We can inherit wealth but never wisdom.
We can loan you enough money to get you completely out of debt.
We can move with savage grace to the rhythms of the night.
We cannot all be masters. Shakespeare.
We cannot all be perfection, can we? Well....
We cannot all do all things. - Virgil
We cannot change and survive unless we survive and change.
We cannot command nature except by obeying her.
We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once.
We can only hope not.
We can only learn to love by loving.
We can predict everything, except the future.
We can save the seals if we all club together.
We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.
We can't afford to think that way.
We can talk all night but that'll never change the way that I feel.
We can't all be heroes, someone has to stand & clap as they go by.
We can't all be sound, We've got to be the way we're made.
We can't allow it to live.. everything we know would be in jeopardy.
We can't be in the mob - we're from Ohio!
We can't call Batman. It's four in the morning. He'll be at work.
We can't control the wind, but we can adjust our sails.
We can't die, son. We're heroes!
We can tell our values by looking at our checkbook stubs - G. Steinem
We can't have a crisis today, my schedule is already full.
We can't help him Nurse, he has on dirty underwear.
We can't imagine trying to pass off Yankee green beans in a Q joint.
We can't leave the haphazard to chance.
We can't make it by on cuteness alone!
We can't schedule an orgy, it might be construed as fighting.
We can't stop crime, so let's legalize it and tax it out of business.
We can't take over the world tonight, I have Email to read.
We can turn a man into a woman, but we CAN'T cure cancer?
We can turn the world around/we can turn the earth's revolution.
We can't worry when we are laughing.
We can use Cartman's pig. - Kyle. Ehh, you leave Fluffy out of this.
We can wear the rose of romance, an air of joie de vivre. -Rush
We carnivores are an ornery bunch.
We cater to the occasional fetishes.
We change not from seeing the light; but feeling the heat.
---
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