Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
Always invest in negotiable blondes!
Always listen to what experts say can't be done. Then do it.
Always look for the calculations that go with a calculated risk.
Always make sure you understand completely what you're jumping into.
Always Mount a Scratch Monkey
Always obey your superiors... if you have any. - Mark Twain
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
Always ready to contribute little known facts of little importance.
Always ready to pervert pure science for a fast buck!
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Always remove the last screw first.
Always store your beer in dark containers. notebooks of Lazarus Long
"Always tell her she is beautiful, especially if she is not."
ALWAYS tell the truth - Unless something better is handy.
Always try to be a little kinder than is necessary.
Always try to be modest. And be damned proud of it!
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies - Wilde
A man has got to know his limitations- Dirty Harry, philosopher
A man in the house is worth two in the street.
"A man is as young as the women he feels!"
A man is known by the company he thinks no-body knows he is keeping.
A man is never drunk if he can lie on the floor without holding on.
A man isn't poor if he can still laugh.
A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
"A man is only as good as what he loves." - Saul Bellow
A man may be a fool and not know it - but not if he is married.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A man of my spiritual intensity does not eat corpses. - G. B. Shaw
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A man's house is his hassle.
A man takes a drink, the drink takes another, and the drink takes the man.
A man that is young in years may be old in hours. - Bacon
A man walks into a bar...The next guy ducks!
A man who buys a mobile home doesn't get a lot.
A man who studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green. - Francis Bacon
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
A man who will not mind his stomach will not mind anything else.
A man with an erection is in no need of advice.
A man with no destination is never lost.
A man without a God is like a fish without a bicycle.
Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
Ambidextrose: Able to put creamer in coffee using either hand.
Ambidextrose: able to put sugar in coffee with either hand.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
A mediator has done his job when both sides hate him.
A member of CCAC (Concerned Citizens Against Cilantro)
A mere caricature of a recipe.
America has always had illegal immigrants. Ask an Indian.
America has gone super-sized.
America: home of cowboys, beefburgers, and McDonald's.
America is NOT the only Country with flush-toilets.
America leapt from barbarism to decadence without hitting civilization. American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
American beer is like sex in a canoe. F***ing close to water.
American beer tastes much like mating beavers.
American football: violence punctuated by committee meetings.
American kids have Nintendo. Japanese kids have homework.
Americans collectively eat one hundred pounds of chocolate every second. Americans have come to accept cheap but second best in lots of things. Americans have come to accept second best in lots of things.
"Americans have the right and advantage of being armed" - James Madison Americans like fat books and thin women.
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza everyday.
Americans should avoid saying "bloody" as they just sound silly.
Americans spend $10 million each day on potato chips.
American tea is every bit as good as British coffee, unfortunately.
America's first settlers were chosen by England's best judges.
America's three favorite things: Apple pie, Baseball and Shopping!!!
America, the melting pot. Heat it up and the scum rises to the top.
America. We don't shoot up weddings that often.
A message from the depths of Hell!
A metaphor is like a simile.
Am I a law-abiding gun owner? Depends, what's the law today?
Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
Am I bugging you? Good!
"Am I ever wrong?... Marriages don't count." - Al Calavicci
A mighty creature is the germ, though smaller than the pachyderm.
Am I going to die, doctor? Trust me, it's the last thing you'll do.
Am I hallucinating or something??
A military draft: Republicans' idea of creating a lot of jobs.
A mind is a terrible thing to...uhhh...I forget...
A mind is a wonderful thing to waste.
A mind stretched by new ideas can never go back to its original size.
A miser is a man who lives within his income, also called a magician.
Amish bumper sticker: Caution - Do not step in exhaust.
Amish Pickup Lines: Can I buy thee a buttermilk colada?
Amish Spring Break Activity: Buttermilk kegger.
A mistake is proof that someone tried anyhow.
A mistake is simply another way of doing things.
Amnesia and deja vu: I think I've forgotten this before!
A momentary moment of slackness...
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
Among my most prized possessions are words that I have never spoken.
Among the porcupines, rape is unknown.
Amor Vincit Omnia (Love conquers all)
A most enlightened philosophy.
A Mother Goose/Oliver Stone production: "HUMPTY DUMPTY WAS PUSHED"
A motion to adjourn is always in order. - Lazarus Long
A mushroom cloud has no silver lining.
A mutated, superior man could also be a wonderful thing.
A myth is a religion in which no-one any longer believes.
A myth is a religion which no longer attracts adherents.
An acre of performance is worth a whole world of promise.
An afternoon on the water is better than therapy. <G>
An Agent of the Cosmic Balance (retired)
An agronomist is a farmer with a Ph.D.
A naked man fears no pickpocket.
An Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm? A pimp.
An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
An American without a sweatshirt is like a feminist without body odor.
An amusing concept no doubt but the dish itself will brutalize your soul.
An ancient book of myths is a hell of a way to run a modern life.
An angel always thinks you're worth the effort.
An aphrodisiac and a floor wax?
An apology is a good way to have the last word.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away,if you aim properly!
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. So does no medical insurance.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. So does not paying your bills!
An apple a day + the doctor's wife :)
An apple every eight hours keeps three doctors away.
An apple is an excellent thing-until you have tried a peach. G. du Maurier
An apple never falls far from the tree.
An archeologist is someone whose career lies in ruins.
Anarchy is better that no government at all.
An argument is two people talking and no one listening.
An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
An armed populace is the greatest insurance against tyrany.
An army marches on its stomach. - Napolean
An atheist can't find God like a thief can't find a cop!!
An atheist is a man with no invisible means of support.
Anatomically Correct beats Politically Correct ANY DAY!
Ancient Chinese Curse: May all your wishes be granted.
Ancient Chinese Curse: May you live in interesting times.
Ancient custom has the force of law.
And again the game's turned round on it's head.
And all the chipped beef we can eat! - boot camp
And another message from the old fart!
. ... And a partridge in a pear tree. .
. And a partridge in a pear tree. .
"And bad editing in their wake" - Crow T. Robot
And, best of all, Fido people are the best of all!
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
And first prize goes to the man behind the reactor holding the bomb.
And @FN@ being a little crazy helps, too!
And God said, "Ah, the hell with it, I'll just get an ant farm."
And God said, "Let there be 14.4k baud..."
And God said, "Let there be idiots"....
And God said, "Let there be light. Zap... Look Adam, An APPLE!"
And God smote Egypt with a plague of Vegemite.
"And God smote Egypt with a plague of zucchini..."
And have buttered scones for tea.
And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes.
and if you believe THAT line of..........
"And I met the President of the United States. Again." - Forrest Gump
"And I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic lowlife community." And I thought a "hard drive" was driving through Georgia.
And I thought everything I read on the internet s'posed to be true.
And it shall be good.
And it stays crunchy even in milk!
"And just for a second I thought I saw this..." -- Jonathan Winters
And just how would you know where duck farts go underwater, young man?
And Lao-tse said: Those who know don't tell; those who tell don't know.
And more innovative oppressive governmental interference.
"...and never, never invoke anything you can't banish!"
And never, never try to milk a bull!
And now, some words of wisdom:
And now, the maraschino cherry fondue. Now, this is extremely nasty.
And now to the weather. Its zero outside. No temperature at all.
And of course, Variety is the Spice of Life!
And our bacon is nothing more than fried ham.
And our spellcheckers are down.
And, pray tell, whose imagination are you a figment of?
And quite honestly, we are not going to tell you what's in our sausage.
And smart women won't buy an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
And so, God said, "E=mv+2P/r" and there was popcorn.
And so he road into battle, bearing the standard of confusion.
And so the gods said, 'E=2mv2+2P/r' and there was popcorn!
And so to bed.
And that is how we know the Earth is banana-shaped.
"And THAT is the rest of the story... " - Paul Harvey
"And that's all I have to say about that." Forrest Gump
And that's why Canadians are so healthy.
And the bear said, "I don't think you came here to hunt."
And the Beast does his little dance.
And the Colonal spread his chicken wisdom across the land...
"And the dancer?" - Garibaldi "I married her." - G'Kar
And the gap, which was just under five seconds, is now just over four.
And the God Ditka decreed Polish Sausage and Beer for all, every day.
And then there was the guy who stuffed Corn Flakes in the serial port.
And there were plagues of locusts, and frogs, and MS-DOS, and Windows.
And the ritual consumption of chilies was performed.
And the rum is for all your good vices.
And the waiter hit me right after I said "I want some beef jerky".
And this 2-record disco set, only from K-TEL!
And today will go down in history as Unknown.
And we don't say "Bam" here. OK?
And we'll have fun, fun, fun. What? A moderator? Never mind.
And we respond in our usual slow insensitive incomprehensible manner.
"And what do we burn apart from witches?" "*More* witches!"
"And what *is* the most popular cheese 'round hyah?"
And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me? - Diet.
And when there was no crawdads, we ate sand.
And who are you who is so wise in the ways of chilies?
And who are you who is so wise in the ways of chocolate?
And who are you who is so wise in the ways of ducks?
And who are you who is so wise in the ways of herbs?
And who are you who is so wise in the ways of spices?
And, yes.... lasagna IS a sacred thing.
"And you, Captain, which world do you prefer?" - Claudius
And your body is all like, duh. It has always known.
"And your body is the harp of your soul..." -- Gibran
And you thought a computer was an investment.
And you thought I was gonna put a tagline here.... :)
and you thought you were confused BEFORE you read this message ;*)
And you win a big bag of NEW Ranch Flavored Twinkies!
And you win an ancient data disk labeled "1000 Free Hours of AOL"!
And you win an inflatable sex sheep.
An election campaign devoted entirely to the burning issue of Vietnam.
An electrician worries about current events.
An Elephant: A mouse Built to Government Standards.
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
An empty stomach is not a good political advisor.
An engineer is someone who does list processing in Fortran.
An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
An error isn't a mistake until you refuse to correct it.
A newspaper is a device for making the crazy crazier.
A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant
A New Year's resolution: in one year and out the other.
An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
An expert is someone from out of town with a briefcase.
An expert on the historical significance of cottage cheese.
An eye for an eye will make the whole world go blind. - Mahatma Gandhi
Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor. -Francis Bacon
An honest answer can sure get you into a lot of trouble.
An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought.
An idea is a curious thing. It won't work unless you do.
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
Animal flesh with a ConAgra hormone-injected toxic brand of inedibility.
Animal Rights Activists are the Human Defamation League.
"Animals have no rights." : Rush Limbaugh
Animals who are not penguins can only wish they were.
Animal testing is a bad idea; they get all nervous & give wrong answers. "Animany, Totally insaney, Chicken Chow Meiny, Animaniacs!"
"Animany, Totally insaney, Cockamamey, Animaniacs!"
"Animany, Totally insaney, Miss Helany, An-i-man-i-acs!"
An improperly cooked turkey is a ticking Meat Bomb of Death - USDA
An inch of gold cannot purchase an inch of time. -Chinese Proverb
An intellectual is a person whose mind watches itself.
An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest. -Franklin
An invisible car came out of nowhere, stuck my car and vanished.
Annoy a fanatic: Present him with the facts.
Annoy domini: Eat the apple, Eve.
Annoy the opposition - cite fact.
An object or bit of information most needed will be least available.
An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
An open mind tolerates an empty one.
An opera is a song of bigly size.
An optimist is a person who spends his last dollar to buy a new wallet.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
Another addition to the Museum of the Kitchen of Gadgets.
Another bucket for monsieur ..*BARF!*.. and perhaps a hose.
Another casualty of applied metaphysics....
Another day, another gremlinAY#+++-EE0?????
Another good mind not yet ruined by higher education!
Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
Another great idea from the man that brought you beer milkshakes!
Another great idea from the man who brought you Beer Milkshakes!
Another one bites the dust...
Another word for "free range chicken" is "prey." - the coyotes
Another word for "free range chicken" is "prey". - The foxes
An ounce image is worth a pound of performance.
An ounce of education is worth a pound of legislation.
An outdoor grill often cooks steaks rare and fingers well-done!
An overcrowded chicken farm produces fewer eggs. - Chinese Proverb
An oyster is a fish built like a nut.
ANSI is banned at San Quentin; too many escape sequences!
Answers: $1, Correct answers: $5, Dumb looks: Free!
Answers: $1, Short: $5, Correct: $25, dumb looks are still free.
Anticipate trouble but don't go looking for it.
Ants: a good source of protein.
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
An unbreakable toy is good for breaking other toys.
An unchallengeable precept must be viewed with the deepest suspicion.
An unemployed Jester is nobody's fool!
*ANY* beer is better than *NO* beer.
Any beer is better than no beer. Olympia is no beer.
Anybody who loves Cats & hates kids can't be all bad.
"Anybody who writes a book and does it again is crazy." -- G. Takei
Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
Any chance these could be hallucinations?
"Any Co-Moderators here?" <<BANG>> "Any more?"
"Any Co-SysOps here?" <<Bang>> "Any more?"
Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.
Any family tree produces some lemons, nuts and bad apples.
Any field that has "Science" in its name isn't.
Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale.
Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.
Any fool can criticise, condemn, and complain. And most do.
Any fool can criticize, and many of them do.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain. And most do.
Any fool can paint a picture; it takes a wise person to sell it.
Any friggin idiot could understand that. - Einstein, 1938
Any given program costs more and takes longer each time it is run.
Any given program will expand to fill all the available memory.
Any group of Canadians beyond three turns into a hockey game.
Anyhow, the hole in the doughnut is at least digestible. - H. L. Mencken
Any idiot can use the Internet-and many do!
Any issue worth debating is worth avoiding altogether. - Fahnstock
Any key continues... Sledgehammer aborts.
Any minimum criteria set will be the maximum value used.
"Any Monsters under my bed tonight?" - Calvin "NO!" - The Monsters
Anyone can cook your recipe but no one else can make your chili.
Anyone can hunt a bear fearlessly when the bear is absent.
Anyone can stop a man's life but no one his death.
Anyone can use your recipe but no one else can bake your cake.
Anyone can walk on water, IF you know where the rocks are.
Anyone else have a country we should support?
Anyone for Sardines in Mackerel Jelly?
Anyone know an off-line chocolate reader for NESTLES.QWK?
Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human.
Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.
Anyone who cooks beans and peas in same pot is very unsanitary.
Anyone who hates Dogs and Kids Can't be All Bad.
Anyone who is not shocked by quantum theory has not understood it.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot
Anyone who says slavery is abolished was never owned by a cat.
Anyone with money to burn is soon surrounded by people with matches.
Any precept you cannot challenge must be viewed with deep suspicion.
Any savoury foodstuff can be improved by lobbing a fried egg on top.
Any savoury foodstuff can be improved with more chilies.
Any savoury foodstuff can be improved with more garlic.
Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
Any small object that is dropped will hide under a larger object.
Any spelling mistakes are due to line noise.
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
"Any Sysops here?" <<BANG>> "Any more?"
Any system that depends upon human reliability is unreliable.
Anything anybody can say about America is true.
anything, anytime, for Sharon ;*)
Anything can be funny. All it takes is the right delivery.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
Anything, if wrapped in bacon, is delicious!
Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
Anything that begins well ends badly. Anything that begins badly ends.
Anything that kills you makes you... well, dead.
Anything that lives in the water, ain't fit to eat.
Anything, when cooked in large enough batches, will be vile.
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap.
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Anything worth working hard for is worth keeping.
Anything you do can get you shot. Including doing nothing.
Any time that is not spent on love is wasted.
Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
Anyway that's just my opinion, yours may and probably should vary.
Any wire cut to specified length will be too short.
AOL: Always off line
AOL, another proof of PT Barnum's theory...
A one-L lama is a Tibetan Priest.
A one ounce bird cannot carry a one pound coconut!
A package of imaginatively-named "Beef" from Carl Buddig.
A paddle-pop stick and some electrician's tape is cheaper than viagra.
A pain in the butt may be a friend in need.
A paranoid is a guy who just figured out what's going on.
Apartment building blew up. Roomers were flying!
Apathists of the world...ahh, forget it.
Apathy error: Don't bother striking any key.
Apathy is becoming a major problem, but who cares?
A pat on the back, also a hug, she's trying to squash the smoking bug!
A pay raise is like a martini; it elevates the spirit but only briefly.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out!
A penny saved is 2.5 grams of zinc alloy.
A penny saved is a penny earned; a penny spent, is a penny enjoyed.
A penny saved is not a lot of money.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
A perfect example of the deterioration of traditional values!
A perfectionist takes great pains and gives them to everyone else.
A person forgives only when she is in the wrong.
A person reveals his character by the joke he resents.
A person should take a bath once in a summer not so often in the winter.
A person who minces his words often chokes on them.
A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.
A person who takes smug pride in telling the blunt truth is a sadist.
A pessimist mourns the future.
A pest is a man that can talk like an encyclopedia - and does.
A philosopher always knows what to do until it happens to them.
A philosophy that can be put in a nutshell, belongs there.
A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
A pig in a suit is still a pig.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
A pinch here, a pinch there... He's a zombie!
A pinch of this, a dash of that and...4 cups of wine?
A pleasure to meet you. - Winn
A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
Apocalypse survival calculator: http://www.thegoddamnapocalypse.com
A poem is never finished... only abandoned.
A political promise today means another tax tomorrow.
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
A politician is someone who makes no sense in a very convincing manner.
A politician's worst nightmare is an intelligent voter with a memory.
Appease the Moderator Monster. Send MONEY!.
Apple (C) 1767, Sir Isaac Newton
Apple cider vinegar and mustard is the way my BBQ Bretheren and Sistern.
"Apple I" (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton.
Apple = Mini Cooper. Microsoft = SUV
APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children trade for cupcakes.
Apples? Apricots? This industry is full of Fruits!
Apple's Newton competes with the pencil and paper.
Apple Turnover - Command given by an apple trainer.
Appuyez sur ALT-A pour le version Anglaise de cette tagline bilingue.
A pre-Easter boycott of pagan little fuzzy bunnys.
A pre-Easter boycott of pagan yellow marshmallow chickies.
A prejudice is an opinion with too much starch.
A preposition is the wrong thing to end a sentence with.
A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
A processed grease burger made of toxic chemical hormone radiated meat.
A procrastinator's work is never done.
A Proctologist is a brain surgeon for IRS agents.
A product with 'ZERO DEFECTS' doesn't ship!
A professional politician is a professionally dishonorable man.
A professional politician is indistinguishable from a streetwalker.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
"A promise is a promise, Lt. Dan." Forrest Gump
A prostitute was into bondage; she was strapped for cash.
A prudent question is one-half wisdom. - Francis Bacon
A prune is a plum with experience!
A pungent rather bitter cheese not ready to eat for 18 months if ever.
A pun is the lowest form of humour - when you don't think of it first.
A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat.
A rabbit's foot is a poor substitute for horse sense.
Arab coffee:very strong, traditionally served in tiny cups at gunpoint. Arachnohomophobia: Fear of gay spiders.
A raise is like a martini; it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. ARC.angel says "zip.itup".
Archduke Ferdinand found alive - World War I a mistake!
A real friend remembers only the birthday.
A Redneck has a burp on his answering machine greeting.
A Redneck's idea of getting lucky is passing the emissions test.
A Redneck's pre-nuptial agreement mentions chickens.
A Redneck's standard of living improves when he goes camping.
Are druggies so cheap they have to go harassing wildlife for a fix?
A religion is a cult with an army.
A religion is a heresy with an army.
Aren't you contentious for a minor bepetal species. - Alien
Aren't you the person my mother warned me about?
Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
Are parttime band leaders semi-conductors?
Are porcupines Kosher?.... only the pine part.
Are RAM chips better than COW chips? Hmmm, it depends...
Are shotgun weddings a case of 'wife or death'?
Are the noises in my head bothering you?
Are there any doctors left in India?
Are there any side effects to these pills apart from bankruptcy?
Are these magic brownies? -Mary They're Pepperidge Farm. -Dick
Are the stewed prunes still in the hair dryer?
Are the taglines too long, or is the tagline-space to sh
"Are they made from real Girl Scouts?" - Wednesday Addams
Are you boasting or complaining?
Are you channeling?
Are you goddamn insane?
Are your cookies made with real Girl Scouts?
Are you saying we should tax GIFS?
Are you sure that Grape Nuts isn't a social disease???
Are you sure this isn't the time for a colorful metaphor?
Are you sure you really want to know that?
Are you toxic?
Are you using all your geese? There are geeseless folks in Nigeria!!
Argh.... haggis pizza!?!
Argue if you must . . . just remember I'm right!
Argue with @FN@ or a brick wall. Your choice!
Arguing with a Moderator in public may be hazardous to your access.
Arguments with furniture are rarely productive.
A rhodium plated, rhinestone studded idiot.
ARIA: Italian for "song that will not end in your lifetime."
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
Arizona: It is illegal to hunt or shoot camels.
Arms control could mean slapping a fresh boyfriend...
Army Axiom: Any order that can be misunderstood has been.
Army food is very tasty. After 10 years, you can still taste it!
Army food: The spoils of war.
A roach will live 9 days without its head before it starves to death.
A road map always tells you everything except how to refold it.
A Rolex is a Texas sundial.
A room without books is like a body without a soul.
A rose by any other name would be "deadly thorny assault vegetation."
A rose in a banana forest is, after all, only a weed.
Arrange whatever pieces come your way. ARRRGH...Must...resist...temptation...to...rant...
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