• Hebronics

    From George Pope@1:153/757 to All on Wed Aug 3 00:10:06 2022
    The Hebronics Controversy
    The New York City Public Schools have officially declared Jewish English, now dubbed Hebronics, as a second language. Backers of the move say the city schools are the first in the nation to recognize Hebronics as a valid language and a significant attribute of American culture.

    According to Howard Ashland, linguistics professor at Brooklyn College and renowned Hebronics scholar, the sentence structure of Hebronics derives from middle and eastern European language patterns, as well as Yiddish. Professor Shulman explains, ˘In Hebronics, the response to any question is usually another question with a complaint that is either implied or stated . Thus ŠHow are you?Ă may be answered, ŠHow should I be, with my bad feet?Ă ÷

    Shulman says that Hebronics is a superb linguistic vehicle for expressing sarcasm or skepticism. An example is the repetition of a word with ˘sh÷ or
    ˘shm÷ at the beginning: ˘Mountains, shmountains. Stay away. You should want a nosebleed?÷ Another Hebronics pattern is moving the subject of a sentence to the end, with its pronoun at the beginning: ˘ItĂs beautiful, that dress. ˘ Shulman says one also sees the Hebronics verb moved to the end of the sentence. Thus the response to a remark such as ˘HeĂs slow as a turtle,÷ could be:
    ˘Turtle, shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline he walks. ˘ ÷The responses must have that particular eastern European Jewish intonation,÷ adds Dr . Shulman.

    Shulman provided the following examples from his best-selling textbook, Switched-On Hebronics:

    Question: ˘What time is it?÷
    English answer : ˘Sorry, I donĂt know. ÷ Hebronic response : ˘What am I, a clock?÷

    Remark: ˘I hope things turn out okay . ÷ English answer : ˘Thanks. ÷
    Hebronic response : ˘I should be so lucky!÷

    Remark: ˘Hurry up. DinnerĂs ready. ÷ English answer: ˘Be right there. ÷ Hebronic response: ˘Alright already, IĂm coming. WhatĂs with the ŠhurryĂ business? Is there a fire?÷

    Remark: ˘I like the tie you gave me; I wear it all the time. ÷ English answer: ˘Glad you like it. ÷ Hebronic response: ˘So whatĂs the matter; you donĂt like the other ties I gave you?÷

    Remark: ˘Sarah and I are engaged. ÷ English answer: ˘Congratulations!÷
    Hebronic response: ˘She could stand to lose a few pounds. ÷

    Question: ˘Would you like to go riding with us?÷ English answer: ˘Just say when. ÷
    Hebronic response: ˘Riding, shmiding! Do I look like a cowboy?÷

    To the guest of honour at a birthday party: English comment: ˘Happy birthday. ÷ Hebronic comment: ˘A year smarter you should become. ÷

    Remark: ˘ItĂs a beautiful day. ÷
    English answer: ˘Sure is. ÷
    Hebronic response: ˘So the sun is out; what else is new?÷

    Answering a phone call from a son:
    English comment: ˘ItĂs been a while since you called. ÷ Hebronic comment: ˘You didnĂt wonder if IĂm dead already?÷

    ¨From the Sesquihumidor; Issue 2012/04/06 (Humor)

    TL/DR: URL for bookmarking or saving for later: https://web.stanford.edu/dept/linguistics/cgi-bin/sesquipedalian/?p=10281

    --- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
    * Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)