The Hebronics Controversy
The New York City Public Schools have officially declared Jewish English, now dubbed Hebronics, as a second language. Backers of the move say the city schools are the first in the nation to recognize Hebronics as a valid language and a significant attribute of American culture.

According to Howard Ashland, linguistics professor at Brooklyn College and renowned Hebronics scholar, the sentence structure of Hebronics derives from middle and eastern European language patterns, as well as Yiddish. Professor Shulman explains, ôIn Hebronics, the response to any question is usually another question with a complaint that is either implied or stated . Thus æHow are you?Æ may be answered, æHow should I be, with my bad feet?Æ ö

Shulman says that Hebronics is a superb linguistic vehicle for expressing sarcasm or skepticism. An example is the repetition of a word with ôshö or
ôshmö at the beginning: ôMountains, shmountains. Stay away. You should want a nosebleed?ö Another Hebronics pattern is moving the subject of a sentence to the end, with its pronoun at the beginning: ôItÆs beautiful, that dress. ô Shulman says one also sees the Hebronics verb moved to the end of the sentence. Thus the response to a remark such as ôHeÆs slow as a turtle,ö could be:
ôTurtle, shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline he walks. ô öThe responses must have that particular eastern European Jewish intonation,ö adds Dr . Shulman.

Shulman provided the following examples from his best-selling textbook, Switched-On Hebronics:

Question: ôWhat time is it?ö
English answer : ôSorry, I donÆt know. ö Hebronic response : ôWhat am I, a clock?ö

Remark: ôI hope things turn out okay . ö English answer : ôThanks. ö
Hebronic response : ôI should be so lucky!ö

Remark: ôHurry up. DinnerÆs ready. ö English answer: ôBe right there. ö Hebronic response: ôAlright already, IÆm coming. WhatÆs with the æhurryÆ business? Is there a fire?ö

Remark: ôI like the tie you gave me; I wear it all the time. ö English answer: ôGlad you like it. ö Hebronic response: ôSo whatÆs the matter; you donÆt like the other ties I gave you?ö

Remark: ôSarah and I are engaged. ö English answer: ôCongratulations!ö
Hebronic response: ôShe could stand to lose a few pounds. ö

Question: ôWould you like to go riding with us?ö English answer: ôJust say when. ö
Hebronic response: ôRiding, shmiding! Do I look like a cowboy?ö

To the guest of honour at a birthday party: English comment: ôHappy birthday. ö Hebronic comment: ôA year smarter you should become. ö

Remark: ôItÆs a beautiful day. ö
English answer: ôSure is. ö
Hebronic response: ôSo the sun is out; what else is new?ö

Answering a phone call from a son:
English comment: ôItÆs been a while since you called. ö Hebronic comment: ôYou didnÆt wonder if IÆm dead already?ö

ùFrom the Sesquihumidor; Issue 2012/04/06 (Humor)

TL/DR: URL for bookmarking or saving for later: https://web.stanford.edu/dept/linguistics/cgi-bin/sesquipedalian/?p=10281

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