Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 08-06-14 11:14 <=-
Whoops I just went back to the quote buffer and realized that I
already said some on this. :P
Lots of history there, to make you what you are now... no doubt also on
her side... What one makes out of it is the question... :)
That is precisely the point that I'm working to get to. For a long
time I was grieving, _hard_. I don't remember ever going through that
in a relationship before. It wasn't just her this time, though. I
mean, like I said, I was a member of that whole family this time
around. Her father's last friend died while I was there; she takes
care of him. I became his last friend, and right now I can't even call him to try to be a decent person, because I can't stop thinking of HER
if I do it; my heartrate goes up to 150+, and I have a massive anxiety attack.
I'm trying to make sure that I'm working on myself in all of
this. I can only change me, and obviously (due to a lot of things that
I didn't mention here; signs I should have paid attention to, despite
her contrary words to what they were showing) I need to learn to not ignore characteristics of this sort. Plus I need to learn that maybe I shouldn't be so hurt by somebody that has these characteristics.
Sometimes it's pretty hard to ascertain that there is that active
deception, of course... One to some extent has to accept people as
they present themselves... but there is also certainly the need for
discernment and not being too gullible... :) A balancing act, to
be sure... :)
Well, yeah. She was slipping up with things that proved it, though,
and I glossed over them because I thought she was honest about working
on these issues. Then again, there were things that proved this to be inaccurate, too. I tried to resurrect our original agreement, that we were there for each other through thick and thin, to carefully bring up to each other things that might've been in each others' blind spots,
and to improve ourselves together to be the best parents, soulmates,
and people that we could be.
Yeah... I think that's where we left off... ;) Seems that craziness
in one form or another seems to follow you around... <G>
I have Loki on my shoulder, or some other type of more form-fitted Personal Malevolent Diety(tm). My friends are usually pretty amazed, especially after the past year, of how these things follow me. Of course, that brings to mind the point that everywhere I go, there I am. Is the malevolent diety on my shoulder, or in my head? It's important
to keep self-aware and engage in self-analysis whenever possible, in order to avoid a martyrdom complex that has no basis in reality. I owe more than that to my son.
My biological sister is someone that I won't associate with. When
you're smoking more than several grams of meth a day, you're usually hurting, even if you're trying to help. Plus, the way I saw her
treating her kids... Blatant emotional neglect. My son doesn't need
to be around _any_ of that.
My biological mother offered up her home to my son and I, and then
was evicted due to the landlord putting in a parking lot instead. Then her husband was fired from a job as a manager of a large hardware
chain's store in his area. It appears that perhaps this diety that follows me has a bit of affection for my biological family.
I'm a little slow in responding lately... but it appears that your life
is pretty hectic too... here's your reminder... <G>
*grin* Yeah I've got to go take care of a few more things. On a
very good note, I've been able to play double dutch with the ropes of
red tape that've been binding me for a few days, now, and I'm finally with an insured vehicle again,
and hopefully getting TANF in lieu of the child support that I've
never gotten from my son's mother very soon here.
I'm off to play some more red tape jumprope. :) Looking
forward to your reply.
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