• much ado about heartb

    From Nancy Backus@1:2320/100 to Damon A. Getsman on Sat Aug 9 16:10:02 2014
    Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 08-06-14 11:14 <=-

    Whoops I just went back to the quote buffer and realized that I
    already said some on this. :P

    Yup... ;)

    Lots of history there, to make you what you are now... no doubt also on
    her side... What one makes out of it is the question... :)

    That is precisely the point that I'm working to get to. For a long
    time I was grieving, _hard_. I don't remember ever going through that
    in a relationship before. It wasn't just her this time, though. I
    mean, like I said, I was a member of that whole family this time
    around. Her father's last friend died while I was there; she takes
    care of him. I became his last friend, and right now I can't even call him to try to be a decent person, because I can't stop thinking of HER
    if I do it; my heartrate goes up to 150+, and I have a massive anxiety attack.

    That's a tough situation. Especially since to talk to him, you'd likely
    have to talk to her... Even when you are the one that had to cause the
    break, it doesn't make it any easier... one still may grieve the loss...

    I'm trying to make sure that I'm working on myself in all of
    this. I can only change me, and obviously (due to a lot of things that
    I didn't mention here; signs I should have paid attention to, despite
    her contrary words to what they were showing) I need to learn to not ignore characteristics of this sort. Plus I need to learn that maybe I shouldn't be so hurt by somebody that has these characteristics.

    Yeah... sometimes it's a case of realizing that that is the way someone
    is, and that there wasn't anything you could have done to make things
    easier on yourself, short of never having started the relationship...
    not only in romantic type relationships either, I should add...

    Sometimes it's pretty hard to ascertain that there is that active
    deception, of course... One to some extent has to accept people as
    they present themselves... but there is also certainly the need for
    discernment and not being too gullible... :) A balancing act, to
    be sure... :)

    Well, yeah. She was slipping up with things that proved it, though,
    and I glossed over them because I thought she was honest about working
    on these issues. Then again, there were things that proved this to be inaccurate, too. I tried to resurrect our original agreement, that we were there for each other through thick and thin, to carefully bring up to each other things that might've been in each others' blind spots,
    and to improve ourselves together to be the best parents, soulmates,
    and people that we could be.

    Apparently she wasn't being completely truthful about agreeing to the
    original setup, either... or hadn't really been honest to herself what
    that might have meant, being played out in real life... :)

    Yeah... I think that's where we left off... ;) Seems that craziness
    in one form or another seems to follow you around... <G>

    I have Loki on my shoulder, or some other type of more form-fitted Personal Malevolent Diety(tm). My friends are usually pretty amazed, especially after the past year, of how these things follow me. Of course, that brings to mind the point that everywhere I go, there I am. Is the malevolent diety on my shoulder, or in my head? It's important
    to keep self-aware and engage in self-analysis whenever possible, in order to avoid a martyrdom complex that has no basis in reality. I owe more than that to my son.

    Or for that matter, to avoid a persecution complex, or a doomed
    mentality... There might be things that you inadvertantly do that make
    some of the craziness more likely to happen, but it could just as well
    be the fact that this world, as it exists now, is by no means a perfect
    one, and things happen...

    My biological sister is someone that I won't associate with. When
    you're smoking more than several grams of meth a day, you're usually hurting, even if you're trying to help. Plus, the way I saw her
    treating her kids... Blatant emotional neglect. My son doesn't need
    to be around _any_ of that.

    If she's that addicted, at least some of the emotional neglect is
    probably the drugs and what they are doing to her... But still, as you
    say, not a good place for your son to be, all around.

    My biological mother offered up her home to my son and I, and then
    was evicted due to the landlord putting in a parking lot instead. Then her husband was fired from a job as a manager of a large hardware
    chain's store in his area. It appears that perhaps this diety that follows me has a bit of affection for my biological family.

    Certainly a bad run of circumstances for them, too... Hope things get
    better for them, as well as for you...

    I'm a little slow in responding lately... but it appears that your life
    is pretty hectic too... here's your reminder... <G>

    *grin* Yeah I've got to go take care of a few more things. On a
    very good note, I've been able to play double dutch with the ropes of
    red tape that've been binding me for a few days, now, and I'm finally with an insured vehicle again,

    That's good progress... :)

    and hopefully getting TANF in lieu of the child support that I've
    never gotten from my son's mother very soon here.

    Hope that works out fine... :)

    I'm off to play some more red tape jumprope. :) Looking
    forward to your reply.

    A little tardy, again, but at least here... <G> So what about those
    indoor lightning storms...?? (Oh, and btw, for the time being, I'm
    restricted to short subject lines, all my sources of BW doors having evaporated, and having to use QWK in my BW reader, hence short subjects
    from this end, and long subjects coming in being truncated badly...

    ttyl neb

    ... First law of Genealogy : Nothing is more shocking than the truth !

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