• Summer plans was: shinies and sickies was: camping

    From Nancy Backus@1:2320/100 to Damon A. Getsman on Sat Jun 27 19:52:02 2015
    Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 21-Jun-2015 08:55 <=-

    Got way too long, again... <G> Wonder how that could happen...!! <G>

    Re: shinies and sickies was: camping

    Oh they are legion. I'm still looking for other solutions, as the primary ideas that I had in play (provided I've remembered the thread correctly) were the only two that were within a range that he would've been able to get to himself. One was the playground at his school, probably the best place to look for and meet other free range kids (in the pitiful minority due to helicopter parenting ruling this neighborhood). The other was at the neighborhood pool, which unfortunately exists in the same building. Turns out that they're
    having summer rennovation so the entire place, including a vast swath
    of the playground, is shut down as a construction zone.

    Now that's a major bummer... and the construction itself makes it not
    so safe a place to be unattended, even in the parts not actually under construction...

    There are other parks around here but they're too populated by adults
    and crackheads to let my kid free range at. So I'm trying to keep my eyes open.

    Those other parks probably wouldn't likely have a lot of other kids to
    play with, either...

    Also I picked him up a library card (and myself) yesterday. I
    was hoping that the neighborhood branch would be big enough so that I could go and release him in a kids section, like my dad used to do to
    me when I was old enough to understand and stick to the rules, but
    alas, it is not. I'm not going to be taking trips into the inner city with my vehicle as dire as it is, but maybe we can afford a bus ride to go hang out at the big one in the inner city once a week or so once a couple of more paychecks come in to clean up after Loki.

    I remember going to a small neighborhood library when we lived in PA...
    there wasn't a kids section per se, but there was an area where the
    kids' books were all kept together... I could walk there by myself (we
    moved there when I was going into 6th grade), and it was a preferred
    hangout.. ;)

    And the niggling thoughts that one should maybe be trying to make it
    up to the kid for things not being as one would have hoped... but
    that sort of thing can get you in trouble, too... :) Hopefully a
    better setting will indeed help things... :)
    Oh that's one that hits me hard. Especially right now when all of
    the ideas that I had for summer release for him are blown out of the water. Not sure what's going to come of all of it at this point; I
    don't want to fall back on an endless parade of new videogames and a tightly caged little man that'll end up losing massive valuable socialization.

    A working portable computer might be just the thing... ;) Keep you both
    from being caged in too tightly... :) But the point I was trying to
    make is that some things just can't be helped, and it doesn't hurt the
    kid to be deprived of what he thinks (or even you think) he needs... particularly when it is probably short-term... Best way to really make
    it up to the kid, so to speak, is to get the situation settled better,
    even if it takes longer than one hopes for... :)

    Even when they protest loudly against the limits, kids actually are
    happier knowing what the limits are and having them be securely
    enforced... it gives a more secure feeling... If one can enforce them
    simply by words and actions, and not have to resort to consequences, so
    much the better for all... :)
    This is not the first time that I've heard this. I certainly do not disagree. Unfortunately, things being what they are with the two of
    us staying in the living room of a 1 bedroom apartment, I don't have control over his environment even very well. I'm still looking for
    ways to add more reliable limitations and boundaries on a daily basis here. A lot of it is going to be orders of magnitude easier once we relocate, but that's not going to be for [at least] several months...
    So an interim solution does need to be located soon here.

    For sure it gets easier when you have a more settled environment... :)
    But behaviors can still be regulated, even when things are crowded and unsettled... A lot of the training is probably going to be on dealing
    with the situation as it is, and learning to self-manage... and praise
    when he copes well with things will help as much or more than the
    consequences of bad behavior... :)

    ttyl neb

    ... Well there's nice, there's naughty and then there is barking mad.

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  • From Damon A. Getsman@1:2320/100 to Nancy Backus on Sat Jul 11 21:20:02 2015
    Re: Summer plans was: shinies and sickies was: camping
    By: Nancy Backus to Damon A. Getsman on Sat Jun 27 2015 19:44:06

    Now that's a major bummer... and the construction itself makes it not
    so safe a place to be unattended, even in the parts not actually under construction...

    Yeah I feel pretty terrible about how much he's been inside lately. Especially since my Aikido fund got pirated by somebody that had a banking error who was depositing the checks that are made out to him but go to both of us. :|

    adults and crackheads to let my kid free range at. So I'm trying
    Those other parks probably wouldn't likely have a lot of other kids to play with, either...

    Yeah, those ones are off limits. I've hung out there too much when I've been
    done with jogging or just doing some pullups or something are there are very violent and stabbity, threatening people that come there a lot. Unfortunately that option is out as well. I'm still looking for places, but my range is getting considerably farther out and making anything except vehicle travel to these places impossible. I need a new laptop; having my one with a good battery isn't going to help much now that I realized that the wireless is out on it as well. At least if I'm going to work while he's doing his frolicking.

    I remember going to a small neighborhood library when we lived in PA... there wasn't a kids section per se, but there was an area where the
    kids' books were all kept together... I could walk there by myself (we moved there when I was going into 6th grade), and it was a preferred hangout.. ;)

    That was really what I was hoping for when I headed to the local branch here.
    Unfortunately, the local branches are miniscule, and the main location that does have all of that stuff that I'd like to take him to is buried in the inner
    city. I mean, I guess we could take the bus once in awhile and stuff, but getting me to want to go into the inner city takes elephant tranquilizers or something. I fear and avoid it.

    A working portable computer might be just the thing... ;) Keep you both from being caged in too tightly... :) But the point I was trying to
    make is that some things just can't be helped, and it doesn't hurt the
    kid to be deprived of what he thinks (or even you think) he needs... particularly when it is probably short-term... Best way to really make
    it up to the kid, so to speak, is to get the situation settled better, even if it takes longer than one hopes for... :)

    Yeah. I'm going to have to wait until I get repaid the damn near (if not over $1000) that's rightfully owed to me for my employment right now, unfortunately. I had a lot of plans for that stuff. This mistake that occurred was avoidable, too. A second burn from the same fire for this person,
    if you will. I was really not too happy about it, nor the imposed quarantine that has resulted.
    Good things to note about my son, though. I'm trying to get out of this as fast as I can. Before the financial debaucle happened, I thought I was getting
    over a quarter, if not closer to a third, of the amount that I want to have before I can start considering relocating to a better location. It happened quick. Should happen even quicker when I'm making the same wages and getting repaid for that, I suppose.

    For sure it gets easier when you have a more settled environment... :) But behaviors can still be regulated, even when things are crowded and unsettled... A lot of the training is probably going to be on dealing
    with the situation as it is, and learning to self-manage... and praise when he copes well with things will help as much or more than the consequences of bad behavior... :)

    I think that I have more work in being engaged with him and figuring out some
    creative things than he does ahead of him there. I've failed at that a little bit lately. Something's taken the wind out of my sails a bit, and unfortunately I've allowed that to leave him on the playstation way too much. Time to correct that error and provide something-- anything-- else, even if it's just neighborhood exploration walks and more runs with me. That's part of
    it, my health got foul for a couple of days, so I haven't been able to go on my
    normal runs and routines that keep me grounded. Plus I take Deschain along on his bike (now that he can't keep up running any more) when I'm going for runs and the like. Tomorrow morning I'm going to make sure that I get up and start doing all of that again, even if I have to make some emergency toilet breaks along the way or whatever. Pardon my level of detail.
    Anyway, more soon. I'm trying to dig myself out of this pit that I've ended up in; it's nearing some of the bipolar low territories that I'm familiar with from not being medicated. :P Getting to all of the correspondence is an integral part of this, at this point, I believe.
    Enough about my troubles. ;)

    -D
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