Charlton Heston, leader of the human uprising, is still on the loose. With the gun wielding republicans and members of the late tobacco committee they are providing heavy retaliation with their automatic weapons that the senate of the old republic tried to ban. When Mr. Heston was asked to comment on his actions he said, " Like Moses I will part the sea again" then shot at our reporters. Evidently Mr. Heston feared that we were going to take all his cigarettes.

The human fugitive Hennifer is still at large after stealing the blender from Dr Zayus's apartment. We all remember how enraged Dr. Zayus was after this event. The no bananas for bongo incident left thousands enraged and banana riots where frequent throughout the continent.

Don't forget to see our weekly report on Doctor Zaius, our wonderful leader!

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This site was last updated: Saturday, May 25, 1974.