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Book Information
This "wise and caring book" (Library Journal) is a guide to understanding and coping with grief and all of the disorienting emotions that accompany the death of our parents.
Losing our parents when we ourselves are adults is in the natural order of things, a rite of passage into true adulthood. But whether we lose them suddenly or after a prolonged illness, and whether we were close to or estranged from them, this passage proves inevitably more difficult than we thought it would be. From the recognition of our own mortality and sudden child-like sorrow to a sometimes-subtle change in identity or shift of roles in the surviving family, The Orphaned Adult guides readers through the storm of change this passage brings and anchors them with its compassionate and reassuring wisdom.
Book ID Asin: B00D0UY66G
Book Title: The Orphaned Adult: Understanding And Coping With Grief And Change After The Death Of Our Parents
Book Author: Alexander Levy
Book Format and Price:
Book Format Name: Kindle
Book Format Price: $10.99
Book Format Name: Audiobook
Book Format Price: $0.00
Book Format Name: Hardcover
Book Format Price: $17.57
Book Format Name: Paperback
Book Format Price: $15.99
Book Format Name: AudioCD
Book Format Price: $30.00
Book Price: unknown
Book Category: Kindle Store, Kindle eBooks, Parenting & Relationships and unknown
Book Rating: 852 ratings
Book Product Detail
ASIN ‏ : ‎ B00D0UY66G
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Da Capo Lifelong Books (August 5, 2008)
Publication date ‏ : ‎ August 5, 2008
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 1583 KB
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
Print length ‏ : ‎ 212 pages
Best Sellers Rank: #137,832 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
#28 in Grief & Loss (Kindle Store)
#28 in Parent & Adult Child Relationships (Kindle Store)
#104 in Death & Grief (Kindle Store)
Customer Reviews:
4.6 out of 5 stars 852 ratings
unknown
Book Review
Name: Tim Lukeman
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: A book that we'll all need eventually
Date: Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on September 30, 2019
Review: Orphan … the word conjures so many images of small, bereft children. But even as adults on the verge of old age ourselves, we're still orphaned when our parents die, as the last barrier between ourselves & mortality disappears like so much mist. And when that happens, we're often not prepared for the emotional impact, however much we always assumed that we would be … but that assumption was an intellectual one, not a visceral one. It has to actually happen before we can truly understand the impact.
Using his own life experience, as well as that of others, author Alexander Levy examines the ways that we grieve (or attempt not to grieve) as middle-aged or older people when our parents die. According to popular belief, we're "supposed" to accept their deaths as a natural part of life … and of course it is. But that doesn't mean we don't feel the pain of their loss & their absence. Far from it! We're usually surprised to discover how much it's affected us, causing us to reflect on both their lives & our own.
And that's actually for the good. The only way of dealing with any kind of emotional pain is to face it & go through it, in order to gain understanding of it & learn from it. This can range from quiet contemplation to raw, agonized rage & grief. The key, it seems, is coming to term with what's essentially a primal loss of foundations, one that was seemingly so secure for decades that we often didn't recognize it. Now we do.
This was a lesson I had to learn when my father died some 12 years ago … and one that I'm still occasionally learning at unexpected moments. There's really no such thing as "closure" here; it's more of an ongoing adjustment to a major shift in the model of our lives that we once took for granted. There's always a little more shifting underfoot; what we do is learn to balance ourselves better as time goes on. Never fully, but better. For me, it's been a matter of my good memories coming to the fore, while the painful ones recede a little more.
A compassionate & helpful book, most highly recommended!
Name: Linda Lu
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: Great Book For Anyone Who Has Lost Both Parents
Date: Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on September 3, 2012
Review: When you lose both parents in death, it is a double-whammy. Your whole world is turned upside-down. You are an orphan for the first time in your life. Chapters 1 and 2 delve into many feelings and changes you may encounter. Just remember, you are not going crazy. Ultimately, your grief experience can change you for the better.
Chapter 3 explains how so much of our lives change after losing both parents. For many of us, this is the real mid-life crisis. Ironically, it is this same crisis that gives us freedom to finally make our own decisions, without the ever-present question, "What would Mom or Dad do?" I personally, never really grasped how much my parents influenced me, until they died. Now, I realize that my thinking is changing to, "Is this what I really want or what I think Mom or Dad would have wanted?" In many instances, the death of both parents marks the passage into full adulthood.
Chapter 4 reminded me of the butterfly scene from the movie, "Patch Adams". As all good movies have some romance in them, so does this one. Patch falls in love with Corinne. Then she falls in love with Patch. One day, Corinne, confides to Patch that she had suffered in her past and dreamed of becoming a butterfly, who could get away from the world, untouched. Unfortunately, Corrine is murdered before she and Patch have a chance to get married. Then, she comes back for one brief and tender moment, in the form of a butterfly to comfort Patch, even perching on his finger, before flying off away from the world. Apparently, many people receive after-death confirmations from their loved ones; conveying that they are all right on the other side; leaving the survivors with strength and courage carry on. Many of us dream about our parents after they are gone. Chapter 4 is a neat chapter to discuss all of this!
Chapter 5 talks about the inevitable changes in relationships after both our parents die. Some marriages fall apart and some get stronger. Siblings can cause problems, or they can grow closer to each other or they can step in where Mom and Dad left off. Friendships can also change. This is normal.
Chapter 6 discusses death and God. In this chapter, there is no bias shown toward any particular world religion. All are valid and can greatly influence your views on death. When our parents die, we often feel that we are the next in line to meet our Maker.
The main lesson from chapters 7 and 8 is, "DO NOT AVOID GRIEF!" even if you have to take it in baby steps. Chapter 7 discusses the consequences of avoiding grief and chapter 8 explains how to grieve in ways that will not overwhelm you. If someone tells you hide your emotions, they are wrong! It is not only OK to cry; it is good to cry.
Chapter 9, the last chapter, discusses what you can learn from grief. Don't give up. It's going to be all right.
Name: Amazon Customer
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: Soothing story about grief
Date: Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on September 29, 2022
Review: The author describes perfectly what you didn't even know you were feeling. He also attempts to explain why the loss of a parent is so painful and shocking, even when it isn't so much of a surprise. I feel less alone in my grief after reading it, and I guess that is the best I can hope for, for now.
Name: Two Dollar Dog
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: The most invaluable book I've read in many, many years!
Date: Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on March 28, 2016
Review: This is the first time I have ever given five stars to a book. I cannot begin to express just how thankful I am that Dr. Levy wrote this very personal, thoughtful and beautifully written explanation of all the feelings associated with the loss of the second parent. As it helped me to understand my feelings, it also helped me to understand my parents' feelings over the loss of their parents when I was growing up and how they were impacted and influenced by those losses. That in itself is huge! It helped me to understand the purpose of grief. It helped me to see what I knew in my gut but didn't understand until I read it - that grief doesn't take a linear path. That it really isn't a series of steps and processes. It's much more random than that. The book has helped me to come to grips with death as part of life and more than anything, it gave me the courage to fully embrace my feelings - to cry, to write, to talk about it, to pray about it, to help others when the occasion arises. I loved that Dr. Levy also wrote about how our spirituality is impacted by the death of our parents, our friendship ......so many things. I have already recommended this book to several people and donated a copy to our church library. I even wrote to Dr. Levy personally to thank him for penning this book. That's just how helpful I found it to be. While it is focused on parental death in adulthood, there is a great deal in it that is incredibly valuable to anyone grieving the loss of a loved one. I highly recommend this book!
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