Mustard on a pig is a gift from the enlightened.
Mustard on a pig is a gift to the backwood white vinegar outposts.
Mustard on a pig is a gift to the molasses penal colonies.
Must be an Macintosh user, he grunts a lot and points...
Must go - My attack cat needs her claws filed.
Must Go - Our Rotweiler needs its teeth sharpened.
Must Go - Some Jehovahs witnesses need shouting at.
My ASCII has been de-limited.
My ATM just asked me if I wanted to go double or nothing!
My attitude will always be based on how you treat me.
My bacon's not gonna kill me.
My beer's not gonna kill me.
My best pigeon dodged hawks and farmer's guns to bring you this.
My biological clock has a snooze alarm.
My Biscuits are Burnin'! - Yosemite Sam
My boat finally came in......but I was at the airport!
My body's a temple zoned for toxic waste.
My Canada includes: 3 downs, 110 yards and an import rule!
My Canada includes Florida from November until April.
My cat dislikes the term "pet." She prefers "friend and confidant."
My cat is not spoiled....it merely has me well trained.
My cat's name is: 'Winky, The One-Eyed Wonder Kitty'
:* My :* :* cat :* :* walks all :* :* over :* me
My Chile Head kitchen utensils are designed and built by NASA.
My Chili recipe is in violation of the nuclear proliferation treaty.
My coffee's too thick to pour but too thin to slice...
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
My computer's memory is getting old. It forgot what should add here.
My computer's sick. I think my modem is a carrier.
My cooking's is so bad that my wife bought me an oven that flushes.
My couch potato routine honed to perfection.
My cow died so I don't need your bull anymore.
My cow has died...I don't need your bull!
My deja vu is so acute I now remember things that *have* happened before.
My demand curves are *always* upward sloping....
My dentist has an X ray of his family in the waiting room.
My doctor says my blood type is C double-positive.
My doctor told me to quit eating red meat so I tossed out the catsup.
My dog loves cats! He'll eat as many as he can catch!
My ego just took another devastating shot.
My family coat of arms ties at the back
My family coat of arms ties at the back...is that normal?
My favorite animal? Steak!
My favorite Christmas tradition involves a bonfire and reindeer meat.
My financial planner told me to buy lottery tickets.
My foot is asleep so I am typing this very quietly.
My function in life: to render clear what is blindingly conspicuous.
My garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays.
My girlfriend gives good headache.
My girlfriend is 18 going on 19, I'm 52 going on Viagra.
My Go amn keyboar oesn't have any 's!
My God but we are so beautifully, deeply screwed.
My God but we are so beautifully, deeply screwed up.
My God lets me eat what I want.
My grandfather lived to be ninety, but liquor & women finally got him.
My hard disk is full! Maybe I'll try this message section thing.
My hard disk is full... OOPS! ...not any more...
My hard disk went on a diet and lost its FAT!
My heroes tend to run more in the Ned Kelly line.
My hope is to outlive all of my enemies, and none of my friends.
My idea of a good hot dog is a pig between two loafs of bread.
My idea of an agreeable person is one who agrees with me. - Benj Disraeli
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
My ideas are always rejected by the Selection Committee.
My jobs secure....its me they can do without.
My Karma has just run over your Dogma.
My keyboard keeps changing what I type.
My kid wanted a watch for Christmas, so we let him.
My Kingdom for a warm slice of bread dripping with butter.
My life is the product of a diseased mind and I love it.
My life may be strange, but at least it's not boring.
My liver is not on speaking terms with me.
My Lord, what a mourning when the stars begin to fall.
My male deity needs.
My master plan consists of letting nature take its course.
My memory is so good, I can remember things that never happened.
My message above. Your response here ____________.
My message above. Your response here: __________________
"My middle name is H-E-N-7-R-Y... the 7 is silent, of course"
My middle name is "Maytag". That's cuz I'm an agitator ;*)
My mind is like a blotter: Soaks it up but gets it backward!
My mind is like a steel trap. Things wander in and get mangled.
My mind is like a steel, uh... thingy.
My mind wanders...but my body is too tired to follow.
My modem isn't slow, it's "baudly" challenged.
My name is Jim and I'm a Chile-head. Group: Hi, Jim.
My new Pentium is so fast it can bake a potato in eight minutes!
My new Special Friend... @FN@!
My opinions are my own; mistakes are the computer's fault.
My other computer is a Commodore 64.
My other computer is an Abacus.
My other computer is an Osborne! ;*)
My other computer is a Pentium 6.
My other computer is a SUN.
My other processor is a Moulinex.
My parents made me what I am today. I'm thinking of suing.
My 'puter blames me for making the mistake :-(
My rare meat's not gonna kill me.
My reality check just bounced.
My registration check is in the mail. It really is :-)
My religious convictions prevent me from joining in the event.
My respect for chilies borders on worship.
My rules apply only to other people, not myself.
My safe word is "don't stop".
My safe word is "harder".
My security system is the latch on your screen door.
My sister could make some black bread for you (Translation: Burned)
My soul is dark with stormy riot directly traceable to diet-S. Hoffenstein
My soul is on fire, I'm aflame with desire, which is why I perspire...
My special hot sauce can clean silver coins.
Mystery is a resource like gold; its preservation is a fine thing.
My story is much like yours but more interesting 'cause it involves me.
My swear jar could finance the fucking space program.
My tagline is in the shop. This is a loaner.
My taxidermist also does my taxes.
Mythos has a purpose. Religion has an agenda.
Myths are public dreams. Dreams are private myths.
My town is so tiny, when the duck died the zoo closed.
My Twit Filter just put me on its Twit List!
My wallet's cache is disabled.
My way is not your way, it's possible that we may both be wrong.
My way, your way, the right way, and the Army way.
My weight is perfect for my height - which varies.
My wife had plastic surgery - I cut up her credit cards!
My wife has an organic bread maker - ME!!
My wife is an angel: she's always up in the air & harping!
My wife'll buy anything marked down... Including an escalator...
My wife ran away with my best friend and I sure miss him.
My wife's other car is a broomstick.
My wifes purse is now considered "Check" baggage.
My, your tagline surely looks familiar!
"Nadolic Llawen. Blwyddn Newdd Dda." - Welsh Christmas
NAK NAK, "Who's There?" #@#^#$%#(#@^ NO CARRIER
Name: John Doe Phone: 222-2222 Sex: Not lately.
Name something you lick.
NASA: There's no such thing as a free launch.
Nasssty rutabagas, preciousss. They chokesss us, they do. Sssss.
National Sausage Week - it was the wurst of times.
NATTO: Even the Japanese dislike it.
Natto.... the Japanese vegemite.
Nature abhors a moron.
Nature is weird. It puts most of the vitamins in foods we don't like!
Nature never gives everything at once.
Nature sides with the hidden flaw.
Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed.
Naval traditions: rum, sodomy and the lash.
"Navidad Ara Pora." - Guarani Christmas
NBOS...The "No Balls OS", was Eunuchs.
Nearly drowned last night. Wifey left the toilet seat up!
Necessity never made a good bargain. - Ben Franklin
Ned Ludd had it RIGHT!!! - Get me a Hammer.
Negligent: when you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie. Neoconservative angry gun-nuts in rehab with restraining orders.
Networking: Now everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Net worth is when your website finally shows a profit.
Neurotic: A Russian storekeeper worrying about his bread's shelf life.
Never abandon the poor: they are the only ones who can be faithful.
Never anger a dragon for you are crunchy and go well with Brie.
Never Argue With a Skunk, Mule, Woman or a SysOp.
Never argue with a women when she's tired - or rested.
NEVER argue with people who know they are right!
Never ask a 3-year old to hold a tomato.
Never ask a barber whether you need a haircut.
Never assume the obvious is true!
Never attribute to malice what's best explained by stupidity.
Never break your bread or roll in your soup.
Never burn a penny candle looking for a halfpenny. -Irish proverb
Never buy dairy products at a garage sale.
Never confuse moving fast with going somewhere.
Never criticize free doughnuts!
Never do card tricks for the group with whom you play poker.
Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
Never easy, never clean, to be a beast among human sheep.
Never eat anything bigger than your head.
Never eat anything larger than your head (void when removed).
Never eat anything that panics the cat.
Never eat at a restaurant located next to the pound.
Never eat Chinese food in Oklahoma. - Bryan Miller
Never eat more than you can lift. - Miss Piggy
Never enough time, unless you're serving it.
Never *ever* attack the United States. - 3nd Law of War
Never, ever, pinch a sorceress on the butt. <ribbit>
Never, ever read the fine print on a package of sausage!
Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
Never explain: Your friends understand & your enemies won't believe you.
Never fear answers. Only fear running out of questions.
Never fear the shadows. They just mean that a light is shining nearby.
Never feed a straight line to a warped mind
Never feed your cat anything that doesn't match the carpet.
Never fight someone who has nothing to lose.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
Never get so busy earnin' your salt, that you forget your sugar.
Never give a gun to ducks.
Never give anyone frank advice until you're out of reach!
Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there.
Never go to the cannibal restaurant...Dinner costs an arm and a leg.
Never have children, only grandchildren.
Never hire an engineer to fix a leaking faucet.
Never hit a man when he's down - always kick him.
Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.
Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
Never interrupt your opponent while he is making a mistake.
Never judge a book by its movie.
Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.
Never kiss anything that doesn't have lips.
Never knew my Dad, til I saw him on COPS on TV.
Never lay an angry hand on a kid or an animal, it just ain't helpful.
Never let a machine know you're in a hurry.
Never let negative things fill your mind lest they take over your life.
Never let people stick worms in your ears.
Never let your tongue cut your own throat. -Chinese Proverb
Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
Never lift both feet while standing!
Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother.
Never mind the facts - I know what I know
Never mind the star, just get those camels off my lawn!
Never mistake asthma for passion.
Never mistake motion for action!
Never murder a man who is about to commit suicide. -German Proverb
Never, never try to milk a cow when your hands are cold!!
Never open your own restaurant.
Never order chicken-fried steak in a place that doesn't have a jukebox.
Never park your hard drive in a sleazy joint.
Never place friendship above profit.
Never play strip poker with a nudist, they have nothing to lose.
Never put off until tomorrow, what you can forget about forever.
Never read the fine print. There ain't no way you're going to like it.
Never read the fine print. You're not going to like it.
Never refuse homemade brownies.
Never ruin an apology with an excuse!
Never say, "I'm game", at a meeting of the NRA.
Never serve oysters in a month that has no paycheck in it.
Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Never stick anything metal up your nose.
Never take a beer to a job interview.
Never take to heart the opinions of people you don't respect.
Never tell them what you wouldn't want to do.
Never test for an error you don't know how to handle.
Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
Never trust an automatic pistol or a D.A.'s deal. - John Dillinger
Never trust anyone who judges food on nutrient value alone. -ML
Never trust anyone who says "trust me". Except just this once.
Never trust a Piltdown man with a calculator.
Never try to catch two frogs with one hand. -Chinese Proverb
Never underestimate the power of being stupid.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Never underestimate the power of "Modem Addictus"!
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Never use duct tape as a major design component in any mech. system.
Never Wear Battery-Powered Clothing to a Formal Event.
"New and improved" = More expensive.
New Brunswick also has French people, but they don't want to kill you.
New Cafeteria Standard: "All Meals Are 100 Percent Biodegradable".
New computer? But I like my vacuum tubes... They keep me warm.
New computer. Haven't been ambitious enough to do a sig. file yet.
New Drink: Martinizer - gin, vermouth, and carbon tetrachloride.
New Drink: Quack Doctor - cold duck and Dr Pepper.
Newest Liberal Psycho-Babble Disease: Financial Deficiency Disorder.
Newest Liberal Psycho-Babble Disease: Luxury Deficiency Disorder.
Newest Psycho-Babble Disease: Drug Deficiency Disorder.
Newest Psycho-Babble Disease: Enthusiasm Surplus Disorder.
Newest PSYCHO-Babble Disease: Insurance Deficiency Disorder.
Newest Psycho-Babble Disease: Morality Deficiency Disorder.
Newest Psycho-Babble Disease: Vacation Deficiency Disorder.
Newfie dogs have bumps on the head from chasing parked cars.
Newfie hunter follows tracks 3 miles before killed by train.
New for Christmas: The @FN@ doll (Some assembly required).
New from Kellogg's: Pre-toasted bread. Just heat and serve.
NEW! From Ralston-Purina! It's Camper Flavored Bear Chow!
NEW FUNDAMENTALIST MOTTO: Support Pro-Life or I'll kill you!
New ideas don't happen by following the proscribed path
New Improved INSTANT Oxygen-hydride!!! Just add water and stir!!!
New Jersey, where Velveeta cheese appears on the gourmet shelf
New Mail not found. Start whine-pout sequence? (Y/N)
New oxymoron: final beta
New product of animal research: Rhesus pieces.
NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP.
New Tagline Found! (Swipe/Ignore/Correct Grammar) ?
New tourism slogan: "Welcome to Florida, God's bowling alley."
New York City founded 400 years ago. Question remains, WHY?
New Zealand safe sex: spray painting X's on the sheep that kick.
Next! Next! Number 17! Number 17!
Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser keeps France.
Next time, when all else fails, read the ENTIRE message, dimwit.
Next to money, English is the leading international language.
Next to spit-roasted dog SPAM is Korea's favorite delicacy.
Next week passwords will be entered in Morse code.
Nice kid, but he's about as sharp as a bag of wet mice.
Nice people, with nice manners, but got no money at all.
NJ has toxic dumps; CA, lawyers. NJ had first choice.
Noah saved animals in the flood by ARCing them!
No, a pedant is NOT some kind of sexual deviate.
No beer, wine, or liquor will ever touch my lips...I use a straw.
Noble deeds and hot baths are the best cures for depression.
Nobody asks a Chile Head to do the cooking at a family reunion.
Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it...
Nobody else knows what to do either.
Nobody ever lost money making a profit.
Nobody goes there any more, it's too crowded. - Yogi Berra
Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore. It's too crowded.
Nobody inspects the Spanish Exposition!
Nobody is deafer than one who does not want to hear.
Nobody knows the trouble I have been.
Nobody notices when things go right!
Nobody really cooks here. We just swap recipes.
Nobody's interested in sweetness and light.
No born and bred Canadian would eat anything with cayenne.
No Brain, No Pain.
NO CARRIER...but I've got 2 destroyers and a frigate
NO CARRIER...Naval Aviator's Worst Nightmare!!!
No Condo, No MBA, No BMW, No Clever Tagline.
No. Don't send that bacon bomb to Mecca.
No error . . . yet.
No flu shot, I'm counting on excessive garlic consumption to be healthy.
No good deed goes unpunished - Mark Twain.
No grass grows where my horse has trod. - Atilla the Hun
No, Guy Lombardo did not coach the Green Bay Packers.
No heathen ketchup or liquid smoke in my sauce.
No, I'm not an elitist. Why do you ask, peasant?
No inequity is too trivial.
No, I won't die for my government... but I WILL kill for my country!
"Nolag mhaith Dhuit Agus Bliain Nua Fe Mhaise." - Gaelic-Irish
"Nolag mhaith Dhuit Agus Bliain Nua Fe Mhaise." - Gaelic-Irish Christmas
No Lives Matter. The universe just doesn't care about you or anyone else. "Nollaig Chridheil agus Bliadhna Mhath Ur." - Gaelic-Scot
"Nollaig Chridheil agus Bliadhna Mhath Ur." - Gaelic-Scot Christmas
No man is an island, but then no man is a potato salad, either.
"No man is useless while he has a friend." - Stevenson
No matter how clearly you speak, the deaf won't understand.
No matter how good-looking your spouse, there's only one of them.
No matter how good she looks some guy is sick of putting up with her.
No matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug.
No matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.
No matter how thin you slice it, it's still baloney.
No matter what goes wrong there is always someone who knew it would.
No matter what happens, someone always knew it would.
No matter what the color of bubble bath the bubbles are always white.
No matter what they're talking about, they're talking about money.
No matter what you eat, it's not greasy or spicy enough.
No matter which item or book you need it's always on the bottom shelf.
No meal is complete without leftovers.
No media ever mentions the secret cabal.
Non dolet ipse Dolet, sed pia turba dolet.
None but the brave can live with the fair.
None of us showed conspicuous intelligence on this occasion.
Nonexistent error. This cannot really be happening.
No, no, Nurse! I said "PRICK his Boil!", NOT boil his..
No, no, nurse! I said SLIP off his SPECTACLES!!
No, not me...I'm smoke free ;*)
Non-violence requires more militancy than violence.
No, of course I don't mind telling you how to go to hell.
No one can help everyone. But everyone can help someone.
No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.
No one drinks hot tea with barbecue not even Yankees or South Africans.
No-one ever reads these things.
No one ever sang, "I'm dreaming of a white Easter" and lived.
No one ever surrenders. Sometimes a truce is declared.
No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
No one has ever collided with the sky.
No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
No one is listening until you make a mistake!
No one is perfect, but some of us are closer than others.
No one's asked us to eat ten raw pigs for breakfast.
No one should ever see how laws and sausages are made.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.
No one watches until you make a mistake.
Nope! I can't go to hell. Satan still has a restraining order against me!
No problem is so big that high explosives can't cure it!
No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
No problem...plug it here. FSSSSSTTTTTTT!!!! ????
No program works the first time you run it.
"Normal" is just a setting on the washing machine.
NORMAL? That's the setting I use on my washing machine...
North American kids spend half a billion dollars a year on chewing gum. Northern 8 course meal- Caribou stew, bannock & a 6-pack.
Northerners call binoculars opera glasses.
Northerners can say "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
Northerners can't spit out the car window without stopping.
Northerners don't have hats that advertise feed stores.
Northerners don't have two first names.
Northerners don't plan vacations around a gun-n-knife show.
Northerners eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
Northerners get freaked out when people on the subway talk to them.
Northerners have no idea what a polecat is.
Northerners never ever eat okra.
Northerners prefer potato au gratin to grits.
Northerners: say "you guys" not "y'all" even if they're women.
Northerners think barbecue is a verb meaning, "to cook outside."
Northerners think Heinz Ketchup is REALLY spicy!
Northerners would rather a son become a lawyer than a fishing show host.
North Korea just purchased 200 pounds of enriched uranium on eBay!
No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.
No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.
No, seriously...
No snowflake ever falls in the wrong place.
No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.
No sorrow like the loss of friends.
Nostalgia is like grammar: You find the past perfect & present tense.
Nostalgia is longing for something you got sick of having around.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Nostalgia sure ain't what it used to be.
Nostradamus is the hardest-working oracle in show business these days.
No such thing as random coincidence.
No such thing as small change.
No such thing as too much lubricant.
Not a bug - an undocumented feature!!
Not all dumbs are blonde.
Not all meals are going to be gourmet experiences...trust me!
Not all men are fools. Some of us are single.
Not all rumors are as misleading as this one.
Not another NAK NAK joke, Please!
Not a real tagline, but an incredible soy substitute...
Not as violent as promised, but I like it anyway.
Not breaking the rules, just testing the elasticity...
Not enough mail??? Here, let me help.
Not everyone is cut out to be an Arby's fry cook.
No thanks. I think I've had about as much fun as I can stand.
NO! That's obviously wrong...I AM THE ONLY SOURCE OF THE TRUTH!
Nothing can go wrong(clik)go wrong(clik)go wro..
Nothing clears your sinuses like a sandwich with lots of horseradish.
Nothing draws a crowd like a crowd.
Nothing ever comes out as planned!
***************NOTHING FOLLOWS*****************
Nothing happens to you that hasn't already happened to someone else!
Nothing is 100% certain, bug-free, or IBM compatible
Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows his subject. Nothing is constant, unless it is dead.
Nothing is ever lost. It's just where it doesn't belong.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Nothing is impossible... except getting your name off a mailing list.
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Nothing is lost until you look for it.
Nothing is magic, just more work.
Nothing is more convenient than a good friend.
Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.
Nothing is said that hasn't been said before.
Nothing is so powerful--or so strange--as the truth.
Nothing is so smiple that it can't get screwed up.
Nothing is worse for a state than that cunning men pass for wise.
Nothing like a bribe to get things rolling.
Nothing like a soak in the Hot Tub under The Midnight Sun...
Nothing makes a person so productive as the last minute!
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. - Mark Twain
Nothing's so weird that no one's done it.
Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.
No time for smokin'...too busy jokin'!! ;*)
Not now ... I have to go mow the laundry.
Not only a Canadian. A proud Canadian!!!
Not Only Am I Perfect - I am Canadian too!
No. Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try. - Yoda
Not sure where the cow is, but you came to the right place for bull.
Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.
Not tonight, dear. I have a modem.
Not tonight dear, I have a Modem!!!
Not you! the other scumbags!!!!
Nouvelle cuisine, n.: French for "not enough food"
No, Vienna sausages are not made in Vienna!
Now, about this phony Italian accent of yours.
Now and then an innocent man becomes a senator.
No wanna watch TV...wanna bang on keyboard ;*)
Now, assuming that I'm right. And I invariably am...
Now, from K-TEL, on 2 LPs, 1 Cassette OR 3 CD's!
Now go back in your box like a good little fellow.
Nowhere will you find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Now I'am feeling zombified !
Now I definitely crave a pork product of some kind.
Now if all these Moderators will just fight nice....... ;*)
"Now if we could just get rid of that pesky moderator!" ;*)
Now is NOT a good time to annoy me....
Now is the most wonderful time of all.
Now I've gone too far, where do I go now?
Now, let's put everything in a big pot and make stew.
No woman ever shot a man while he was doing the dishes.
No woman hits 30 without being asked to marry, at least by her parents.
No wonder most of the Irish and Scots left their countries.
No wonder nobody comes here-it's too crowded.
No wonder the world is so simple and charming to you Ozzies.
now returning to my well deserved nap!
Now that's fine and dandy.... if you're rich and white.
Now THAT'S Italian!
Now there's a beetle in my soup. Sorry, sir, we're out of flies today.
Now touch these wires to your tongue!
Now where did I put that fire extinguisher?
Now, where *did* I put that shotgun full of Rock Salt??
Now, where's that sandpaper for my eyeballs!
Now you know why the Cheshire Cat is smiling.
NOW you know why they call it Blind Justice. ;*)
@N@'s a few pickles short of a jar.
Nuclear submarine's major problem: Whale mating season.
Nudge, nudge, wink, wink .. know what I mean?
Nudists are people who wear one-button shirts.
Null String: The result of a 4-hour database search.
Number of phone rings=number of steps from commode - 1!
Number of phone rings = number of steps from commode -1
Numbers on restaurant checks do not follow math laws.
Nut loose on keyboard - system halted.
Nutria: "Bayou Bunny", the other other white meat.
NWT official bird: the Mosquito!
NWT Pro-Choice - I choose to hunt, trap, fish, eat meat and wear fur!
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* Origin: LiveWire BBS - Synchronet - LiveWireBBS.com (1:2320/100)