ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!! ... Tension breaker, had to be done.
Arsonists of the world, ignite!
Art for art's sake is a philosophy of the well-fed.
Artichokes: The lobster of veggies!
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Artificial Intelligence: The other guy's opinion.
Art is a subconscious madness expressed in terms of sanity.
Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
Artists are never Puritans and seldom even respectable.
A rumor doesn't gain credence until it's officially denied.
A rumor is spreading that I am sane. Absolutely untrue!
As a child, I had a quicksand box...I was an only child. (eventually)
As a child, I was an imaginary friend.
Asafoetida is often considered a rather disgraceful remedy to use.
As a general rule: general rules are wrong.
As American as English muffins and French toast.
As a vegetarian cannibal, my diet consists of coma victims.
As Canadian as possible ... under the circumstances.
A scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.
ASCII no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
A scone is a biscuit that's gone to college.
As confused as a termite in a yo-yo
As easy as 01, 10, 11.
A second class effort is a first class mistake.
A secret agent! On *WHOSE* side?!?!?!?
A secret prize in every post.
A seed hidden in the heart of an apple is an orchard invisible.
A semi-final is, as we all know, a semi-final - it's the old cliche.
A seminar on fuzzy logic will be held noonish.
A sense of decency is often a decent man's undoing.
As far as we know it just may be a recipe for biscuits.
As flakey as a snowstorm.
As for "tastes like chicken", chicken tastes *exactly* like chicken.
As funny as a lump of sh*t in a Christmas stocking.
As funny as a zombie in heat.
As handy as an indulgent husband.
A sheep's life: standing around a few months and then being eaten.
A ship in harbor is safe but that's not what ships were built for.
A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
A shot of whiskey in herbal sleepy time tea soothes the psyche.
Asian restaurants assume you want everything extra spicy. -Satan
Aside from the 6 million laws it's a free country.
A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.
A single fact can ruin a good argument everytime!
A single fact can spoil a good argument.
A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down an entire restaurant.
A sinner can reform but stupid is forever.
As interested in life as a chronically depressed lemming.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Ask a Frenchman to eat Skippy, or emu brain, and he'd go all peculiar.
Ask an Englishman to eat Skippy or emu brain and he'd go all peculiar.
Ask a silly person, get a silly answer.
Ask Cartman, they[aliens] gave him an anal probe. - Kyle, South Park
Ask me about my vow of silence.
Ask me anything: if I don't know, I'll make up something.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it.
Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what's for lunch.
As LEGACY as it may sound "MS-Kermit" flew to the Space Station!
As long as one keeps searching, the answers come.
As long as women have curves, men will have angles.
A slotted spoon holds little soup, but grabs a potato.
A slut is a girl who will go to bed with anyone.
A small carafe of wine is illogical, immoral, and inadequate.
A small mind is obstinate. A great mind can lead and be led.
A smile is a curve that sets a lot of things straight.
A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
A Smile Is A Window To Show That The Heart Is Home
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a pool!
As much as he drinks, watch for liquor mortis.
A SNAG walks into a bar. And leaves when he sees someone smoking.
A snail can sleep for 3 years.
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
A soft word never yet broke a tooth. -Irish Proverb
A Spinach Inquisition composed of steak-chomping adjudicators.
As rare as eggs laid by tigers.
As recommended by a smooth-talking bar steward.
Assets are little donkeys.
Assumption is the mother of all screwups.
A steak a day keeps the cows dead.
A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
A steak without salt is like sex without an orgasm.
As the cannibal said, some of my best friends are stews.
As the cream rises - so shall the scum!
As the name implies it's made with ham & that's all we're going to say.
As the rabbit said, if that ain't a wolf, it's a hell of a big dog...
As the Wal-Mart cancer has shown we like nothing more than a bargain.
A stiff apology is a second insult. -- G. K. Chesterton
A stitch in time would have confused Einstein ...
A stockbroker is someone who invests your money until it is all gone. Astronauts are out to launch.
A stupid stunt has taken on seemingly epic reactionary proportions.
A suburban builder names the streets for the trees he's bulldozed!
A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
As usual there's a great woman behind every idiot.
As ye rip, so shall ye sew.
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one.
As you believe, so you perceive . . .
As you read the scroll, it vanishes...
At 34 nobody will feel the heat more than him.
At $4.99 a pound we use wooden pork chops these days.
At a Redneck Thanksgiving: a stuffing ingredient came from a bait shop.
At a Redneck Thanksgiving: dinner is squirrel and dumplings.
At a Redneck Thanksgiving: dinner served on a ping pong table.
At a Redneck Thanksgiving: go outside to get something from the fridge.
At a Redneck Thanksgiving: ironing board used as a buffet table.
At a Redneck Thanksgiving: only condiment is ketchup.
At a Redneck Thanksgiving: pork and beans a gourmet food.
At a Redneck Thanksgiving: set of salad bowls all say Cool Whip on them.
At a Redneck Thanksgiving: Side dishes include Moon Pies.
At a Redneck Thanksgiving: there is an Elvis Jell-O mould.
At a Redneck Thanksgiving: turkey platter is an old hub cap.
At a Redneck Thanksgiving: Vienna Sausages as an appetizer.
At a Redneck Thanksgiving: You get a re-used paper plate.
At a Redneck Thanksgiving: you have to decide which pet to eat.
At a Redneck Thanksgiving: Your secret family recipe is illegal.
A tautologically redundant plethora of surplusage.
A technique is a trick that works!
A terrible thing happened again last night - nothing.
A Texas bisexual is a cowboy who likes cattle & sheep.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Atheism must strike Him as less of an insult than religion.
Atheists are beyond belief.
A theory must be tempered with reality. Nehru
A thesaurus is not a dinosaur with a big vocabulary.
A thief believes that everybody steals.
A thing here more than a week is an heirloom.
A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it!!!
A thing is not proved just because no one has ever questioned it.
A threat to marriage, the family, ponytails and cheerleaders.
A three-L llama is a helluva fire.
A thrifty housewife always peels potatoes twice.
Atilla the Pun
A time to cook; a time to nuke leftovers - Ecclesiastes 3:1
At just what point in the dairy process is the Milk Dud made?
Atkins ham hock shakes.
Atkins is popular because you can eat as many 40 oz steaks as you want.
Atkins new all white meat fries.
Atlanta is at the point it can't be considered a truly Southern city.
"At last I'm organized." he sighed and died
At least down here you can still smoke in bars. -Satan
At least egotists don't talk about other people.
At least five buses go by in the opposite direction before yours.
At least this isn't a bloody French tagline.
At long last, my dream come true!
At my age, *Memories* are the greatest fun I have!
At my age there is no such thing as safe sex.
A toast to bread, for without bread, there could be no toast.
A town so small... it has a self service massage parlour!!!!
A town so small.... its phone book has only one yellow page!!!
A town so small.... the biggest industry is jury duty!!!
A train won't run on a torn up track.
A tree farm is not a forest.
A Trout lives on anything not included in the fisherman's equipment.
A truck backed through my windscreen into my wife's face.
A true friend is the best possession.
A true friend knows who you are... but likes you anyway.
A true "tough guy" can fry bacon in the nude.
A truly great wine should not leave you with a foam moustache.
A truly lazy person is never bored.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
A truly wise person knows that he knows not.
A trumpet is an instrument when it is not an elephant sound.
Attack fur not leather; it's safer to harass old women than bikers.
At Telecom, we serve everyone, from Kings to the Scum of the earth.
Attend Miskatonic U. - Why study >lesser< evils?
Attention car thieves: This car is already stolen!!
Attention: Unattended children will be cut up and put in the soup.
At the feast of the ego, everyone leaves hungry.
At the prompt, remove disk, spit on it, then retry.
Attn Gadgets Anonymous: A bread machine that's also a CD player.
Attn Gadgets Anonymous: A pasta machine that also makes buttonholes.
A tuba is much larger than its name.
A turtle only makes progress when it sticks its neck out.
A twit, a flake..... they're all the same to me.
A two-L llama is a South American beast of burden.
A typical American eats 28 pigs in his/her lifetime.
A typically homocentric viewpoint.
AuH2O! If you know what that means you ARE old!
A united Germany means even less sunbeds.
Aunt Jemima, Goddess of Love
Aural Sex produces eargasms.
Australia's first settlers were chosen by England's best judges.
Australia: Where men are men and sheep are nervous.
Automatic simply means it can't be fixed.
Auto Repair Service. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
A vaguely depressed regularly emasculated suburban dad.
A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.
'ave a bonza Christy an' a beaut New Year, mate! --Australian Xmas.
A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.
A very old and very wise man once said ... "HUH?"
A view is where we build houses.
A viola's range? 30 feet if kicked hard enough.
A violent argument errupts....
A violent man will die a violent death. - Lao Tsu
A violent, unwanted clown on the global stage.
A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.
A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
A virtuous life is its own punishment.
A virus is a growing experience.
A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
Avoid alliteration. Always.
Avoid approaching horses and restaurants from the rear.
Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
Avoid commas, that are unnecessary.
Avoid criticism - say, do and be nothing.
Avoid fried foods which angry up the blood. (Satchel Paige)
Avoid off topic messages. Start conversations with the Moderator!
"Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'"
Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep.
Avoid reality at all costs.
Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
Avoid the porc tartare.
Avoid the Tate's Compass: "He who has a Tate's is lost!"
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
"A war put off is not a war avoided." - C. Heston
Aw c'mon. Who's going to find out? - Bill Clinton, 1999
Aw, c'mon! You knew I was kidding, didn't ya? Huh?
A weapon is an enemy even to its owner. -Turkish Proverb.
A wedding band is the smallest handcuff in the world.
Awe, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
A weed is a plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered.
A week is a long time in politics.
Aw hell, if i had wanted schooling, i would have gone to school.
A WHISPER - The fastest method of circulating a secret yet devised!
A wholesome mind is wasted potential.
A wild duck never laid a tame egg.... Irish proverb
A wise man can see more from a mountain top than a fool can from the bottom
A wise man hears one word and understands two. Jewish Proverb
A wise man never plants more garden than his wife can take care of.
A Wise Man Once Said...I Don't Know.
A wise man who knows proverbs, reconciles difficulties -Yoruba
A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds. * Bacon
A wise son maketh a glad father. -Proverbs 10:1
A wise teacher makes learning a joy. -Proverbs 15:2 TLB
A witty saying proves nothing. - Voltaire
Aw, mom, you act like I'm not even wearing a bungee cord!
A woman drove me to drink and I never had the courtesy to thank her.
A woman drove me to drink; I never even had the courtesy to thank her.
A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.
A woman's guess is more accurate than a man's certainty.
A woman's place is in the wrong.
A woman without a man is like a garden without a fence.
A word fitly spoken is like a beautiful apple of gold.
A word is like a friend - always good to know another.
A word of advice . . . don't give it.
A world without snowflakes is like... summer!
A writer's job is to entertain in the best sense of the word.
A year spent in AI is enough to make one believe in God.
A year without hunting is like a dinner without wine. - Jeff Cooper
Aye of a Neut...wing of a Hillary...no Harpy...nope, nope Bat!
A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes.
Babble sir? I wasn't aware that I ever -babble- sir.
Babehart - about a cute little pig that slaughters half of Scotland.
Babies: jabbering, wet, snotty, life-sucking little poop machines.
Bacchus: Deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. BACHELOR: A man who never makes the same mistake once.
Bachelor: One who is footloose and fiance free.
Bachelors don't have Mother-in-laws.
Bachman plans to do a gangsta version of Takin' Care of F$#%@ Business.
Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel.
Back in my day, cream pie was a recipe.
Back off man, We're scientists!!!
Back off!! You're standing in my aura.
Backup aborted: Remove disk #92 and start over.
Back up my hard disk? I can't find the reverse switch!
Back Up My Hard Drive? I Can't Find The Reverse Switch!
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (S)lap nearest @FN@ ?
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (S)lap nearest idiot!
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (S)lap nearest innocent bystander.
Back when I was a mere lad, we carved our own ICs out of wood.
Bacon didn't write Shakespeare; Shakespeare ate bacon!
Bacon & eggs - Hens are involved but pigs are committed.
Bacon.... it's like pig candy.
Bacon's not the only thing that's cured by hanging from a string.
Bad Band Name #394: Contaminated Sludge
Bad Band Name #520: Tabasco Douche
Bad Band Name #753: Toxic Popsicle
Bad chili sucks, but this one swallows...
Bad command or filename. Go stand in the corner.
Bad Cook: Do you have 197 of these "Get Well Soon" cards?
Bad day: Smokey the Bear stamps out your birthday cake.
Bad day: The health inspector condemns your coffee maker.
Bad fingers! bad, bad fingers! go sit in the corner!
"Bad Moderator, BAD! No dog biscuit tonight!"
"Bad news, Mom. I sold my soul to the devil." - Calvin
Bad or missing sysop.
Bad politicians are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
Bad roast beef cooked by bad roast beef chefs.
Bad Spellers of the world uniet.
Bagdad in flames! Missles coming! Film at 11.
Bagel: a doughnut with rigor mortis.
Bah, Humbug! Don't post 'til next year. --Moderator Xmas greeting.
Bah! This is just another Hallmark Holiday cooked up to sell cards.
Baked potatoes - Better with steak than barbecue.
Bakers do it but you have to give them flours first.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Baker, Swaggart...Only 3 To Go!
Balanced diet? Eat a vegetarian.
Bald spot? No - solar panel for brain power.
"Balls" said the Queen, "If I had them, I'd be King!"
Balut: the egg with legs.
Bambi was Disney's first stag film.
Banana peppers have many more practical uses than bananas!
Bank on God for a higher rate of interest.
Banned on Big Blue.
Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare.
"barba non facit philosophum"
Barbarians may eat and the civilized may dine, but chowhounds feed.
Barbecue always means pork.
Barbecue changed when it left the South and not always for the better.
Barbecue is a noun, it is not a verb.
Barbecue, like jazz, changed when it left the South.
Bar code - electronic device to help locate bars.
BARF: Bureau of Alcohol, Religion, and Firearms.
Barnum was wrong....it's more like every 30 seconds!
Bart's Blackboard: "The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy."
Bart, stop pestering Satan!!!
Base 8 is really simple - if you're missing two fingers!
Baseball, Apple Pie and Coca-Cola, what America is.
Baseball, Hot dogs, Apple pie, Mom, NRA!
BASIC: Beginners' All-purpose Symbolic Identity Crisis?
BATCH - A group, kinda like a herd.
Batch Processing: Making a lot of cookies at once.
Battle Creek makes cereal terminals.
Bayer, makers of Aspirin, once marketed the drug heroin.
Bazookas should be legal for use against cars with really loud stereos.
BBQ restaurants observe the Barbecue Sabbath and are closed on Sundays.
BBQ spare ribs.... it's like pig candy.
BBS: a method to triple your phone bill.
BBS: A place where you are recognized as a friend!
BBS busy. (C)all back later (T)hrow tantrum?
BBSers are virtually alive.
BBSing ... time's blackhole.
BBS Lingo: HHTYAY: Happy Holidays to You and Yours.
BBS? Yeah, I do bbs. But I can control it ...
Beaches are like attics. You'll be amazed at what you see in trunks.
Be alert! The country needs more lerts.
Beam a large pepperoni pizza to these coordinates.
Be American, Buy American - and CHARGE IT!
Beam me up, Scotty; this ISN'T the ladies' room!
Beans: 100% less bad fat = no heart attacks.
Beans: 190% more flatulence = no girl friend.
Beans in chili is still a criminal offense in Texas.
Beans in chili.... what kind of sick freak are you?
Bearer of this card is entitled to pay cash at participating stores.
Be a responsible vegetarian... neuter your plants.
BEAST! You've been SPOKEN to about biting the users!
Be as vague as possible; this prevents irritating the others.
Beat two eggs? Why? What did the eggs do?
Beautiful flowers die fast. Blooming idiots are everywhere.
Beautiful flowers die fast. Blooming idiots never do.
"Beautiful girls don't bother me. I wish they WOULD! But they don't."
Beautiful & useless like a cathedral in wilderness.
Beauty...in the dark. - Sheridan
Beauty is all around for those who chose to see it.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder....
Beauty is only a light switch away!!!
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to the bone.
Beauty may be only skin deep, but who's into skeletons??
Beauty times brains equals a constant.
Be careful: I have an attitude and I know how to use it!
Be careful what you say - we might be friends someday.
Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.
Because his parents were easily discouraged, he's an only child.
Because... I am.... CANADIAN!
Because of the greatness of the Shah, Iran is an island of stability
Because Pikinu barked so, THAT'S why.
Because that's what the holidays are all about: SUFFERING.
Because the stupid monkey didn't know any better. -Douglas Adams
Because they can! <BEG>
Because we're Canadian! And fiercely proud of it!
Be creative - invent a perversion!
Bed & Breakfast: two things the kids will never make for themselves.
Bedfellows make strange politicians.
BEEF! 'Cause the west wasn't won on salad.
Beef: It's what's for dinner.
Beef jerky...Dehydrated mad cow disease.
Beef up your life... Have a cow, Man!
Beef: Your odds are still better in the supermarket than in a casino.
Been dazed and confused for so long it's normal.
Been so long without sex, I think I'm a virgin again!
Been there, done that, did the microsedimentology. [Marty Leipzig]
Been there, done that, got moderated!
Been there, done that, Got Moderated!
Been there. Done that. Jumped bail.
Been there, done that, tripped alarm, came here.
BEER AND CORN FLAKES, THE BREAKFAST OF X-CHAMPIONS.
Beer and Hockey - I love being a Canadian!
Beer is made by men, Wine by God. - Martin Luther
Beer is perhaps the oldest processed food known to mankind.
Beer is the answer... What was the question?
Beer is the reason I get up every afternoon.
Beer - It's like drinking a loaf of bread!
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
Beer nuts are about 49cents and deer nuts are just under a buck.
Beer? That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard it's good.
Beerware: if it works, buy yourself a beer.
Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this.
Beethoven was so deaf he wrote loud music.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which one you need more.
Before eating take a little time to thank the food. -Arapaho saying
Before Eve, this was a man's world.
Before the Chicago fire: What harm can one cow cause?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Before we begin, is anyone here an investigative reporter?
Before you beat a dog, learn his master's name. Chinese Proverb
Before you can learn to be free you need to be free to learn...
Before you find the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.
Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
Before you judge me, remember that you are being judged as well.
Before you judge me, understand that I don't care what you think.
Before you kick a sleeping dog, have a plan for when it wakes up!
Before you serve beef tongue, think about what cows lick.
Before you turn on the treadmill, always tie your shoes.
Begin at the beginning and go on until you come to the end; then stop.
Begin the greatest task in the world while it is still small.
Be happy, if only to spite your parents.
Behaviorism is the art of pulling habits out of rats.
Behaviour is the mirror in which everyone shows their image.
Behind a successful man is a surprised mother-in-law.
Behind every good computer - is a jumble of cables!
Behind every great computer lies... a mess of wires.
Behind every great man is an amazed mother-in-law!
Behind every successful man you'll find a woman who has nothing to wear.
Being a grown up woman is a lot of work. - Neekha
Being ALIVE causes DEATH, film at 11!
Being a pain in the ass is a perogative of the creative mind.
Being as the box is heavy, it must be a bargain.
Being baldpate is an unfailing sex magnet.
Being born is always fatal.
Being married is like being on a diet in a pastry shop.
Being normal isn't one of my strengths.
Being normal isn't one of my weaknesses.
Being Norwegian: The art of doing disgusting things to fish
Being politically correct means always having to say you're sorry.
Being rich isn't a sin. It's a %$#!@)^ miracle!
Being seven points behind gives you a definite psychological advantage.
Being `too stupid to live' is still a crime, right?
Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. -- Will Rogers
Be kind to friends: if it weren't for them you'd be a total stranger.
be kind to your four footed friends...
"Be late but get there." - Swahili proverb
Be leery of crossing strangers who may have hidden agendas & weapons.
Beliefs are extremely powerful. Make sure you question yours often.
Believing is seeing.
Bell announces, FREE call waiti+ngou+*N8>f
Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.
Be more or less specific.
Be naughty. Save Santa a trip.
Be nice or I'll put my teeth in and bite you ;*)
Be nice or I'll put my teeth in and bite you :-)
Benny Hill: The master of the single entendre.
Be patient, at least you try, you WILL win just like Kent and I ;*)
"Be proud of who you are." - Gene
Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slower to become angry.
Be quiet until you have something to say. Once you've said it-shut up.
Be realistic, aim for the impossible.
Be smart as a cat. Make a friend of your enemy's enemy.
Best 2004 food discovery? Once again, Vegemite didn't make the cut.
Best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
Be strong enough to let go & patient enough to wait for what you deserve.
Best Seller of 2015: Oat Bran the Silent Killer.
Best thing about the future: it comes one day at a time.
Best thing before sliced bread? Vegemite 1923. Bread slicer 1930.
Best way to a man's heart...crack the 3rd and 4th rib.
Best way to be useful - stay out of the way.
Best way to stop a runaway horse: Place a bet on it.
Beta Testers are crazy, Alpha Testers are totally insane.
Bet my floppy's bigger than yours.
Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without. -Chinese proverb
Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.
Better dead than mellow.
Better latte than never.
Better over the hill than under it!
Better silent than stupid.
Better than the Other Leading National Brand...
Better to be occasionally cheated than perpetually suspicious.
Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly.
Better to live with one spider than many bugs.
Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven. - John Milton
Betty Crocker was a flour child.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Be very afraid: The people fixing Iraq are going to fix Social Security.
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.
Beware of buying things if the manuals are bigger than the equipment.
Beware of Chili recipes that use tomato soup.
Beware of Chinese recipes that use Uncle Bens.
Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.
Beware of geeks bearing GIFs.
Beware of low-flying butterflies.
Beware of natives bearing large green fruits.
Beware of natives bearing little red fruits.
Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
Beware of Quantum ducks (Quark!Quark!Quark!)
Beware of the dead, boy. They have eerie powers.
Beware of the military-industrial complex.
Beware of tortilla recipes that use pancake mix.
Beware of tossed salads at barbecue joints.
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