• Daughter Advice

    From Steve Wolf@1:2320/100 to All on Sun Apr 10 04:17:02 2016

    I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle? What? I don't know much about her so I don't want to overwhelm her with questions. How should I procede? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

    <-- Steve -->
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  • From Ruben Figueroa@1:2320/100 to Steve Wolf on Sun Apr 10 09:04:02 2016
    I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't
    seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle?
    What? I don't know much about her so I don't want to overwhelm her
    with questions. How should I procede? Any advice would be greatly

    Never been in those shoes. But I will give you what I think.

    1. You have not been involved in her life as her dad, but you are
    genetically.
    2. Since you haven't been, then talk to her as another adult
    3. Only offer guidance, advice and opinions when she asks is receptive to
    that and you will know because she will prompt you
    4. Be there for here as any adult with someone they care about and make sure
    to listen and refrain from trying to fix anything
    5. Treat her like a new friend that you want to be on better terms with

    Last of all do not set any rules, but you can set boundaries (what/how you
    live your life and what you will or definitely will not do)

    Don't know if this is any good. I imagine over time with the development of your relationship with her you can development a structure of father and daughter wherein she recoginizes you as such. But she has to acknowledge
    that role, you can't impose it.

    Best wishes.

    -*- Open!EDIT v0.99k+
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  • From Jeff Smith@1:2320/100 to Steve Wolf on Sun Apr 10 12:13:02 2016
    Hello Steve.

    10 Apr 16 08:56, Ruben Figueroa wrote to you:

    I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We
    haven't seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding
    myself in "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A
    friend? Her uncle? What? I don't know much about her so I don't
    want to overwhelm her with questions. How should I procede? Any
    advice would be greatly

    Never been in those shoes. But I will give you what I think.

    I have been in those shoes several times in my life. I have found
    several of my children after 20-30 years of not seeing them or knowing
    how or where they were. Several were about five years old the last time
    I saw them.


    1. You have not been involved in her life as her dad, but you are genetically.

    This is true.

    2. Since you haven't been, then talk to her as another adult

    Yes, you are her father. But don't automatically assume that there will
    be a normal father-daughter bond or relationship. Your first impulse might
    be to smother her with all the feelings and emotions that you have stored up inside. I KNOW that feeling and I know that it might be hard to resist but
    try not to overwhelm her.

    3. Only offer guidance, advice and opinions when she asks is receptive
    to that and you will know because she will prompt you

    Talk to her. Show your interest in her and her life. But respect her and
    the thoughts and the feelings that she has about life and about you.

    4. Be there for here as any adult with someone they care about and
    make sure to listen and refrain from trying to fix anything

    Be there for her to talk to or see. In many ways you and her are strangers
    to each other. It will take time to build a relationship that is acceptable
    to you both. Be willing to accept that your relationship with your daughter might not end up being exactly what you wanted it to be.

    5. Treat her like a new friend that you want to be on better terms
    with Last of all do not set any rules, but you can set boundaries (what/how you live your life and what you will or definitely will not
    do)

    Setting minimum and/or maximum limits on the type of relationship that
    you want with her is only likely to push her away. You may not have your
    own limits on what you are willing to do for her. But you need to set limits
    on what you will actually do. It is important to be honest with her when talking to her.


    Don't know if this is any good. I imagine over time with the
    development of your relationship with her you can development a
    structure of father and daughter wherein she recoginizes you as such.
    But she has to acknowledge that role, you can't impose it.

    True. Again the relationshp that you and her end up having has to be based
    on honest feelings that both of you have for each other. Regardless of how
    deep or complete that relationship actually turns out to be.

    My relationship with one son that I haven't seen in in over 30 years is starting
    to grow nicely. While my relationship with another son after not seeing him for
    25 years has reached a point that is not nearly as close as _I_ would like it to be. But it is a relationship that we both can accept. They both know that I have
    both an ear and a shoulder for them if they ever should need one.

    Best wishes.

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    Jeff

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  • From Michael Deig@1:2320/100 to Ruben Figueroa on Sun Apr 10 13:27:02 2016
    Re: Daughter Advice
    By: Ruben Figueroa to Steve Wolf on Sun Apr 10 2016 08:56:00

    I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't
    seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle? What? I don't know much about her so I don't want to overwhelm her
    with questions. How should I procede? Any advice would be greatly

    Never been in those shoes. But I will give you what I think.

    1. You have not been involved in her life as her dad, but you are genetically.
    2. Since you haven't been, then talk to her as another adult
    3. Only offer guidance, advice and opinions when she asks is receptive to that and you will know because she will prompt you
    4. Be there for here as any adult with someone they care about and make
    sure
    to listen and refrain from trying to fix anything
    5. Treat her like a new friend that you want to be on better terms with

    Last of all do not set any rules, but you can set boundaries (what/how you live your life and what you will or definitely will not do)

    Don't know if this is any good. I imagine over time with the development
    of
    your relationship with her you can development a structure of father and daughter wherein she recoginizes you as such. But she has to acknowledge that role, you can't impose it.

    Best wishes.

    -*- Open!EDIT v0.99k+
    This sounds spot on to me also. Also be able and ready to answer any question
    that she might bring up as to why you have not been in contact with her. But at
    the same time be very careful of how you talk about people that has been in her
    life all this time if there are hurt feelings between them and you. Now is not the time for her to see or hear about them from you. This is the time for rebuilding between you and her and those feelings could hurt that if talked about to early.

    Michael Deig
    Bufkin Ridge Ranch -Sysop

    Let your spirit be free like wild horse running!
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  • From Bryan Handfield@1:2320/100 to Steve Wolf on Sun Apr 10 22:25:02 2016
    -=[ On 04-10-16 04:02, Steve Wolf wrote to All below: ]=-
    -=[ Re: Daughter Advice ]=-

    Hi Steve Wolf!

    I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't
    seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle?
    What? I don't know much about her so I don't want to overwhelm her with questions. How should I procede? Any advice would be greatly
    appreciated. Thanks
    If she is emotionally mature, I hope that she can find forgiveness in her heart
    to accept you as her father. :)

    Cheers,

    Bryan
    Email: bhandfield(at)me(dot)com

    ... Restaurant: An eating place that does not sell drugs.

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  • From Ruben Figueroa@1:2320/100 to Michael Deig on Mon Apr 11 09:14:02 2016
    This sounds spot on to me also. Also be able and ready to answer any question that she might bring up as to why you have not been in
    contact with her. But at the same time be very careful of how you
    talk about people that has been in her life all this time if there
    are hurt feelings between them and you. Now is not the time for her
    to see or hear about them from you. This is the time for rebuilding between you and her and those feelings could hurt that if talked
    about to early.

    Agreed. However any excuses you give for not being in contact other than regret and it is your mistake would not go well. Just start with wanting a
    new beginning.

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  • From Damon A. Getsman@1:2320/100 to Steve Wolf on Mon Apr 11 23:25:02 2016
    Re: Daughter Advice
    By: Steve Wolf to All on Sun Apr 10 2016 04:02:01

    I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle? What? I don't
    know much about her so I don't want to overwhelm her with questions. How should I procede? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

    Well, Steve, congrats, first, on reconnecting with your daughter. I hope things go as smoothly as something like this can go.
    The closest thing that I've had to an experience like this was with a little girl whose mother I was dating while she was pregnant from a guy before me. I ended up raising her as my own, pretty much, for the first several years, and maintained close ties with the family after I was no longer with her mother. We all remained friends, though this eventually changed due to the husband getting jealous at a later point. At that point, probably around 7 or 8 years of age, I think, I lost contact with her until she was about 16 or 17.
    I was very much in the same situation as you at that point, I think. I didn't know how to talk to her, how to relate to her, how to treat her... I tried to just be a friend, to talk to her openly and honestly about whatever she wanted to talk about, at the level of an equal, trying to respect her maturity.
    I never did get to see her too much after that point because of circumstances
    being what they were, and I don't really have contact with her any more. She wanted to stay in better contact, but things made it impossible.
    I guess I don't really know much what to tell you other than just go overboard with communication about what is going on from your side of things, if nothing else. I mean let her know that you don't know because this is all new to you, just like it is to her. It's hardly going to be a routine situation for her, either, so she should respect it and understand it. Also understand that misunderstandings and misconceptions will arise, just try to deal with them maturely. She'll be looking to your opinion on things, no matter what may have transpired in the interim.
    I don't know if that helps at all, just my $.02. I hope you find more time with her than I was able to with the little one that I helped raise for so long.

    -D
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  • From Steve Wolf@1:2320/100 to Ruben Figueroa on Wed Apr 13 07:35:02 2016
    Re: Daughter Advice
    By: Ruben Figueroa to Steve Wolf on Sun Apr 10 2016 08:56 am

    seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in
    "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle?


    1. You have not been involved in her life as her dad, but you are genetically.
    2. Since you haven't been, then talk to her as another adult
    3. Only offer guidance, advice and opinions when she asks is receptive to that and you will know because she will prompt you
    4. Be there for here as any adult with someone they care about and make sure to listen and refrain from trying to fix anything
    5. Treat her like a new friend that you want to be on better terms with

    Last of all do not set any rules, but you can set boundaries (what/how
    you
    live your life and what you will or definitely will not do)

    Don't know if this is any good. I imagine over time with the development of your relationship with her you can development a structure of father and daughter wherein she recoginizes you as such. But she has to acknowledge that role, you can't impose it.

    Best wishes.


    Excellent advice! Thanks very much!

    Steve
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  • From Steve Wolf@1:2320/100 to Damon A. Getsman on Wed Apr 13 07:41:02 2016
    Re: Re: Daughter Advice
    By: Damon A. Getsman to Steve Wolf on Mon Apr 11 2016 11:04 pm

    I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't
    seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in
    Well, Steve, congrats, first, on reconnecting with your daughter. I hope things go as smoothly as something like this can go.
    The closest thing that I've had to an experience like this was with a little girl whose mother I was dating while she was pregnant from a guy changed due to the husband getting jealous at a later point. At that didn't know how to talk to her, how to relate to her, how to treat her... I tried to just be a friend, to talk to her openly and honestly about whatever she wanted to talk about, at the level of an equal, trying to

    Thanks for your input. I am taking it slow with my Daughter. We are only communicating via Facebook but I'm fine with that. I like being able to review my messages before hitting the send button. She actually asked me for some advice the other day regarding her job. That blew me away. I'm just going to take it nice and easy and see where it all goes. Thanks again.

    Steve
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  • From Damon A. Getsman@1:2320/100 to Steve Wolf on Wed Apr 13 09:20:02 2016
    Re: Re: Daughter Advice
    By: Steve Wolf to Damon A. Getsman on Wed Apr 13 2016 07:29:31

    Thanks for your input. I am taking it slow with my Daughter. We are only communicating via Facebook but I'm fine with that. I like being able to review my messages before hitting the send button. She actually asked me for some advice the other day regarding her job. That blew me away. I'm just going to take it nice and easy and see where it all goes. Thanks again.

    No problem. You know, now that I'm sitting down and thinking about it again,
    I'm realizing that I've had more than a bit of experience on the _other_ side of this coin, as well. Namely, I've [within the last 5 years] only just met my
    biological mother and half-sister due to the fact that I was the child of a closed adoption. Upon realizing this, I think there's a little bit more that might be able to offer. Not that what you're doing right now doesn't sound good or anything; I think I'd be trying to take it slow and reviewing everything, as well.
    So what I was thinking is that I did have a huge burp in communications with my biological family after meeting them... It should probably go without saying, but one of the worst problems that I had during my period of getting to
    know them, and learning about them, was dealing with a large amount of [seemingly pathological] lying that was coming from them. I think that on the part of my biomom this probably came from a desire to step back into my life with some bravado, or at least some decent/maybe even grandiose stories to tell. Either which way, though, it turned out doing nothing but eating away my
    respect. I didn't want to learn about my history and have it be glorious or full of [fake] famous people or anything like that; all that I wanted was to know the truth about my origins and to form a relationship with them. Unfortunately, one of the primary things that I've ended up realizing about them is that they're seemingly pathological liars.
    Moral of this story is, quite simply, just tell the truth about things, and let it stand where it stands. It may not always be the most elegant way to deal with things, but it's a lot better than destroying a trust or confidence even with a seemingly white or inconsequential lie. I'm sure you already knew that stuff, but I wanted to mention it just in case. There's no way to take back those first impressions.
    Hope everything is going good for you with her!

    -D
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  • From Ruben Figueroa@1:2320/100 to Steve Wolf on Wed Apr 13 11:40:02 2016
    Thanks for your input. I am taking it slow with my Daughter. We are only communicating via Facebook but I'm fine with that. I like being able to review
    my messages before hitting the send button. She actually asked me for
    some
    advice the other day regarding her job. That blew me away. I'm just going to
    take it nice and easy and see where it all goes. Thanks again.

    Steve

    That's a good start. God Blessings upon your renewed relationship.

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  • From Nancy Backus@1:2320/100 to Steve Wolf on Wed Apr 20 09:26:02 2016
    Quoting Steve Wolf to All on 04-10-16 04:07 <=-

    I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't
    seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle?
    What? I don't know much about her so I don't want to overwhelm her with questions. How should I procede? Any advice would be greatly
    appreciated. Thanks

    Good to see you sparking some conversation in this echo... :) I've been running behind on answering messages, so am just now getting to this...
    so, a belated welcome... ;)

    How lovely to reconnect with your daughter.. :) As she is on the verge
    of adulthood herself, you can talk with her pretty much adult to
    adult... I'd encourage you to encourage her to tell you about herself,
    however she wishes to proceed, and ask what questions that come up for clarification... She's probably curious about you, and what makes you
    tick, too... :) Did she initiate the contact...?

    ttyl neb

    ... LIFE: A fatal, sexually transmitted disease.

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  • From Nancy Backus@1:2320/100 to Ruben Figueroa on Wed Apr 20 09:36:02 2016
    Quoting Ruben Figueroa to Steve Wolf on 04-10-16 08:56 <=-

    I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't
    seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle?
    What? I don't know much about her so I don't want to overwhelm her
    with questions. How should I procede? Any advice would be greatly

    Never been in those shoes. But I will give you what I think.

    Hi, Ruben... :) Nice to see that you've been lurking here, too... :)
    I always did think there were more people around than usually pipe
    up.... ;)

    Don't know if this is any good. I imagine over time with the
    development of your relationship with her you can development a
    structure of father and daughter wherein she recoginizes you as such.
    But she has to acknowledge that role, you can't impose it.

    She probably does see him as biological father, but the relationship
    would still have to be developed again after all these years... :)

    ttyl neb

    ... You can always tell when your on the right road - it's uphill.

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  • From Nancy Backus@1:2320/100 to Michael Deig on Wed Apr 20 09:50:02 2016
    Quoting Michael Deig to Ruben Figueroa on 04-10-16 13:17 <=-

    Another new voice heard from.... :) It's great to see the flurry of activity... :) (No, I'm not the moderator, just a long-time
    "resident", and token Mom... [g])

    This sounds spot on to me also. Also be able and ready to answer any question that she might bring up as to why you have not been in contact with her. But at the same time be very careful of how you talk about people that has been in her life all this time if there are hurt
    feelings between them and you. Now is not the time for her to see or
    hear about them from you. This is the time for rebuilding between you
    and her and those feelings could hurt that if talked about to early.

    Good point. :) Better to leave old hurt feelings behind, and not have
    them confuse a new relationship being built... Just like it's always
    best not to confuse a child by bringing up the hurts one has with the
    other parent, or play one against the other... :) Much better to (try,
    at least) keep things just to the relationship at hand. :)

    Michael Deig
    Bufkin Ridge Ranch -Sysop

    Are you new to Fidonet (or newly returned)...? I don't think I
    recognize the names... :)

    ttyl neb

    ... Dew knot trussed your spiel chequer to find awl miss stakes.

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  • From Ruben Figueroa@1:2320/100 to Nancy Backus on Thu Apr 21 09:50:02 2016
    Hi, Ruben... :) Nice to see that you've been lurking here, too... :)
    I always did think there were more people around than usually pipe
    up.... ;)

    I know a little something about raising daughters. The first daughter, her mother handled everything and I was clueless. Sorry to say my involvement as very little, but in her adulthood we have become close in our father daughter relationship.

    The second daughter, I was divorced from the first daughter's mom, is from a 2nd marriage. I was more intensely invovled for a number of reasons, first I was no longer building a career and establising my earnings. I married a
    very young woman and I was much older (22 yrs) and we had a daughter, Sarah.

    Sarah's mom passed away when she was 6 years old and she is now 17 going on
    18 this August. So I was intrinsically involved in her upbringing. Many things I found out how little I knew about little girls, girls maturing (puberty) girls and their hearts, and I could go on and on. I did have some help from my eldest daughter, that's when our relationship began to develop.

    Now Sarah is a Senior, ready to graduate, driving and ready to go to college
    to start her life and so I am entering into another phase with her, her independence of dad is lessening more and more. Her love is strong, I can
    see it and feel it but she no longer my little girl. Kind of hard to take
    but understandable. I am 65 if you are wondering, she was born when I was 47.

    So the advice I gave was based on both of those experiences and my daughters thing and respond. I found out it is very important that I stop what
    doing and concentrate what they are wanting my attention. It tells them they are always first and of utmost importance to me, which they are.

    Anyways Sarah is close to graduation and she has one more report card to show me from High School. I guess I was feeling a little something. I am so
    proud of her. Don't know how she turned out to be such a good person. So
    much like her mom who showed me many things even as young as she was.

    Well see you later Nancy. Have a good day.

    Ruben Figueroa
    Mystic Prison Board Sysop
    telnet://pb.darktech.org:24
    Web: www.rdfig.net

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  • From Michael Deig@1:2320/100 to Nancy Backus on Thu Apr 21 19:06:02 2016
    Re: Re: Daughter Advice
    By: NANCY BACKUS to MICHAEL DEIG on Wed Apr 20 2016 09:35:00

    Quoting Michael Deig to Ruben Figueroa on 04-10-16 13:17 <=-

    Another new voice heard from.... :) It's great to see the flurry of activity... :) (No, I'm not the moderator, just a long-time
    "resident", and token Mom... [g])

    This sounds spot on to me also. Also be able and ready to answer any question that she might bring up as to why you have not been in
    contact
    with her. But at the same time be very careful of how you talk about people that has been in her life all this time if there are hurt feelings between them and you. Now is not the time for her to see or hear about them from you. This is the time for rebuilding between you and her and those feelings could hurt that if talked about to early.

    Good point. :) Better to leave old hurt feelings behind, and not have
    them confuse a new relationship being built... Just like it's always
    best not to confuse a child by bringing up the hurts one has with the
    other parent, or play one against the other... :) Much better to (try,
    at least) keep things just to the relationship at hand. :)

    Michael Deig
    Bufkin Ridge Ranch -Sysop

    Are you new to Fidonet (or newly returned)...? I don't think I
    recognize the names... :)

    ttyl neb

    ... Dew knot trussed your spiel chequer to find awl miss stakes.

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    Michael Deig
    Bufkin Ridge Ranch -Sysop

    Let your spirit be free like wild horse running!
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  • From Steve Wolf@1:2320/100 to Nancy Backus on Mon Apr 25 10:21:02 2016
    Re: Re: Daughter Advice
    By: NANCY BACKUS to STEVE WOLF on Wed Apr 20 2016 09:11 am

    I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't
    seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in
    "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle?

    Good to see you sparking some conversation in this echo... :) I've been tick, too... :) Did she initiate the contact...?
    ttyl neb

    Yes she did Nancy. She found me on Facebook. Thanks for your input. I'm taking it slow with my Daughter. She attend college and works on the weekends. She is a very busy young lady. She also has a BF on campus so I consider myself lucky just to get a few "tweets" in. Thanks again.

    --Steve--
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  • From Nancy Backus@1:2320/100 to Ruben Figueroa on Thu May 5 15:13:02 2016
    Quoting Ruben Figueroa to Nancy Backus on 04-21-16 09:40 <=-

    Hi, Ruben... :) Nice to see that you've been lurking here, too... :)
    I always did think there were more people around than usually pipe
    up.... ;)

    I know a little something about raising daughters. The first
    daughter, her mother handled everything and I was clueless. Sorry to
    say my involvement as very little, but in her adulthood we have become close in our father daughter relationship.

    I know less about daughters in particular, having only had a son... but
    as the oldest of 8 siblings (5 younger sisters), I know something about
    raising kids in general... and a little about girls... ;)

    The second daughter, I was divorced from the first daughter's mom, is
    from a 2nd marriage. I was more intensely invovled for a number of reasons, first I was no longer building a career and establising my earnings. I married a very young woman and I was much older (22 yrs)
    and we had a daughter, Sarah.
    Sarah's mom passed away when she was 6 years old and she is now 17
    going on 18 this August. So I was intrinsically involved in her upbringing. Many things I found out how little I knew about little
    girls, girls maturing (puberty) girls and their hearts, and I could go
    on and on. I did have some help from my eldest daughter, that's when
    our relationship began to develop.

    That makes sense.... and it was good that your older daughter could and
    was willing to help... ;)

    Now Sarah is a Senior, ready to graduate, driving and ready to go to college to start her life and so I am entering into another phase with her, her independence of dad is lessening more and more. Her love is strong, I can see it and feel it but she no longer my little girl.
    Kind of hard to take but understandable. I am 65 if you are wondering, she was born when I was 47.

    They do grow up... and have their own lives... ;) My son is 42... The relationship changes, but still can be a strong and good one... ours
    is... :)

    So the advice I gave was based on both of those experiences and my daughters thing and respond. I found out it is very important that I
    stop what doing and concentrate what they are wanting my attention. It tells them they are always first and of utmost importance to me, which they are.

    You've learned very well from your daughters.... :) And I'm sure that
    you've also been a good influence in their lives... :)

    Anyways Sarah is close to graduation and she has one more report card
    to show me from High School. I guess I was feeling a little something.
    I am so proud of her. Don't know how she turned out to be such a good person. So much like her mom who showed me many things even as young
    as she was.

    She obviously has some of each of you in her... :) Is she going on to college...? Or does she have other plans....

    Well see you later Nancy. Have a good day.

    Sorry it took so long to answer, I've been caught up in Real Life with a vengeance the last couple of weeks... :) Hopefully I'll be able to
    catch up soon, and then stay on top of things for a while... ;)

    ttyl neb

    ... In order to understand recursion, you must first understand recursion

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  • From Nancy Backus@1:2320/100 to Michael Deig on Thu May 5 15:26:02 2016
    Quoting Michael Deig to Nancy Backus on 04-21-16 18:56 <=-

    Michael Deig
    Bufkin Ridge Ranch -Sysop
    Are you new to Fidonet (or newly returned)...? I don't think I
    recognize the names... :)

    New here for both me and my BBS that I am putting back online.

    In that case, welcome... ;) Always good to see sysops returning,
    too... ;) How long have you been away...? And were you in Fidonet
    before...? :)

    ttyl neb

    ... Path=DeskDrawer;Closet;BoxUnderBed;Bookshelf;GarbageCan

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  • From Nancy Backus@1:2320/100 to Steve Wolf on Fri May 6 12:58:02 2016
    Quoting Steve Wolf to Nancy Backus on 04-25-16 10:13 <=-
    Re: Re: Daughter Advice
    By: NANCY BACKUS to STEVE WOLF on Wed Apr 20 2016 09:11 am

    I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't
    seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in
    "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle?

    Did she initiate the contact...?

    Yes she did Nancy. She found me on Facebook.

    Then she obviously is interested in developing some sort of contact and relationship with you... that's a very good start to things... :)

    I'm taking it slow with my Daughter. She attend college and works on
    the weekends. She is a very busy young lady. She also has a BF on
    campus so I consider myself lucky just to get a few "tweets" in.

    Taking it slow is good... as long as you don't end up going too slow for
    her... ;) You'll get a feel for it as things go on, I'd guess... It's
    good that she's making time in her life for you, too... :)

    ttyl neb

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  • From Ruben Figueroa@1:2320/100 to Nancy Backus on Fri May 6 16:53:02 2016
    NB You've learned very well from your daughters.... :) And I'm sure that
    NB you've also been a good influence in their lives... :)
    NB
    NB RF> Anyways Sarah is close to graduation and she has one more report card NB RF> to show me from High School. I guess I was feeling a little something NB RF> I am so proud of her. Don't know how she turned out to be such a good NB RF> person. So much like her mom who showed me many things even as young NB RF> as she was.
    NB
    NB She obviously has some of each of you in her... :) Is she going on to
    NB college...? Or does she have other plans....

    Well influence in many ways, yes. But since she was raised by me, her
    dad, I am afraid she has more male like behaviors than she would have if
    her mother lived. She's direct, has no problem competing with boys in
    burping contests, etc. I noticed that when she was hanging with her
    male buddies and saw that she was accepted as part of that group. She
    isn't dainty to say the least. She does have the manners I taught her
    but she also picked up some of my bad habits when no one else is around.

    Yes, she is going on to college and hopes to be able to develop a career
    in working with handicapped children. She had a great experience and
    develop a love for that in her junior year of high school.


    NB Sorry it took so long to answer, I've been caught up in Real Life with a
    NB vengeance the last couple of weeks... :) Hopefully I'll be able to
    NB catch up soon, and then stay on top of things for a while... ;)

    Well I hope you beat back those Real Life thing and came out on top.
    Glad to see you around. I see you login to C.G. Learn bbs (gap side)

    See you around.
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  • From Ruben Figueroa@1:2320/100 to Nancy Backus on Thu May 12 18:27:02 2016
    NB RF> Yes, she is going on to college and hopes to be able to develop a
    NB RF> career in working with handicapped children. She had a great
    NB RF> experience and develop a love for that in her junior year of high
    NB RF> school.
    NB
    NB That sounds wonderful... Did she do volunteer work...? or have a
    NB part-time job with it...?

    It was part of her curriculum at the High School


    NB Not necessarily a bad thing... ;) I picked up some of those male "bad"
    NB habits from my son and husband... shocked one of my son's friends by not
    NB being apologetic about a burp... ;) As long as she knows when it's less
    NB appropriate to indulge in such, she should be ok... ;)

    I think she does, thought I did put my two cents in to be sure (:-)


    NB RF> See you around.
    NB RF> -!- GAPNet Enhanced
    NB RF> ! Origin: GAP Prison Board, Mesquite, Tx (1:124/5014)
    NB
    NB Ah, I see you've got a GAP board too, then... ;)
    NB
    NB ttyl neb


    Yep sure do. Telnet is ezypb.darktech.org:2323

    All the boards I float here can be reached at telnet rdfig.net
    Also you can use web browser ftelnet to: http://www.rdfig.net/public/ftelnet/bbsflash.htm
    and you can access all the boards.

    See ya around.
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  • From Mark Lewis@1:2320/100 to Ruben Figueroa on Thu May 12 22:36:02 2016
    NB RF> Yes, she is going on to college and hopes to be able to develop a NB RF> career in working with handicapped children. She had a great
    NB RF> experience and develop a love for that in her junior year of high NB RF> school.
    NB
    NB That sounds wonderful... Did she do volunteer work...? or have a
    NB part-time job with it...?

    ruben, your quotes are missing the ">" character and they are hard to read... note that the NB above should be NB> that you quoted...

    )\/(ark

    Always Mount a Scratch Monkey

    ... Twinkies have a half-life, but Velveeta is eternal.
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  • From Nancy Backus@1:2320/100 to Ruben Figueroa on Sun Jun 5 00:18:02 2016
    Quoting Ruben Figueroa to Nancy Backus on 12-May-2016 18:27 <=-

    Just discovered that I hadn't replied to this... been a crazy month,
    that Real Life stuff didn't let up much... and somehow I managed to only
    save this message but not mark it for answering later.... oh, well.. I'm
    back now... <G>

    Yes, she is going on to college and hopes to be able to
    develop a career in working with handicapped children. She had
    a great experience and develop a love for that in her junior
    year of high school.
    That sounds wonderful... Did she do volunteer work...? or have a
    part-time job with it...?

    It was part of her curriculum at the High School

    Ah... Sounds like a special sort of school, to be making it a regular
    part of the curriculum... :)

    As long as she knows when it's less
    appropriate to indulge in such, she should be ok... ;)

    I think she does, thought I did put my two cents in to be sure (:-)

    Doesn't hurt to clarify stuff... ;)

    -!- GAPNet Enhanced
    ! Origin: GAP Prison Board, Mesquite, Tx (1:124/5014)
    Ah, I see you've got a GAP board too, then... ;)

    Yep sure do. Telnet is ezypb.darktech.org:2323
    All the boards I float here can be reached at telnet rdfig.net

    Someday I might stop by and check things out... How many different
    boards are you running, then....? I've noticed you showing up in a
    number of different forums.... ;)

    Also you can use web browser ftelnet to: http://www.rdfig.net/public/ftelnet/bbsflash.htm
    and you can access all the boards.

    I'm strictly telnet, not web, by and large...

    ttyl neb

    ... Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution.

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  • From Ruben Figueroa@1:2320/100 to Nancy Backus on Sun Jun 5 17:49:02 2016
    NB Just discovered that I hadn't replied to this... been a crazy month,
    NB that Real Life stuff didn't let up much... and somehow I managed to only
    NB save this message but not mark it for answering later.... oh, well.. I'm
    NB back now... <G>

    Glad to see you!


    NB Someday I might stop by and check things out... How many different
    NB boards are you running, then....? I've noticed you showing up in a
    NB number of different forums.... ;)

    Let's see: Wildcat, Mystic (my main and feeds the following bbs's)
    EzyCom, GAP. VADV. Also have a WWIV Board.

    You can telnet to each of them individally or connect to my Gamesrv at rdfig.net and you can see all the boards available and connect to them
    and you will also see by TradeWars Server there also.

    Oh, just for info, my daughter graduated last week from High School, and
    my grandson did this weekend. He's six month older than she is! But
    she rags on him now that she graduated first. And he refuses since the
    day he knew what an aunt was to call her Aunt Sarah. That's my
    grandson, stubborn like his dad and grandfather.

    Attending two graduations was timeconsuming but welcomed.

    See you later.
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  • From Nancy Backus@1:2320/100 to Ruben Figueroa on Mon Jun 13 18:02:02 2016
    Quoting Ruben Figueroa to Nancy Backus on 05-Jun-2016 17:41 <=-

    Just discovered that I hadn't replied to this... been a crazy
    month, that Real Life stuff didn't let up much... and somehow I
    managed to only save this message but not mark it for answering
    later.... oh, well.. I'm back now... <G>

    Glad to see you!

    Thanks... :)

    Someday I might stop by and check things out... How many different
    boards are you running, then....? I've noticed you showing up in a
    number of different forums.... ;)

    Let's see: Wildcat, Mystic (my main and feeds the following bbs's)
    EzyCom, GAP. VADV. Also have a WWIV Board.

    I've seen you show up occasionally on the WWIV board I check... IIRC,
    you were a user (as I was) of Frank Vest's board, before he took it down
    some years ago... what were you running as your board back then...? I
    think I remember him running Synch... or was it Wildcat...?

    You can telnet to each of them individally or connect to my Gamesrv at rdfig.net and you can see all the boards available and connect to them
    and you will also see by TradeWars Server there also.

    Dunno... I think I'd probably just pick one... I'm more a messages
    person than a game-player... Except for Scrabble and KOTB... ;)

    Oh, just for info, my daughter graduated last week from High School,
    and my grandson did this weekend. He's six month older than she is!
    But she rags on him now that she graduated first. And he refuses since the day he knew what an aunt was to call her Aunt Sarah. That's my grandson, stubborn like his dad and grandfather.

    When they're of an age, it's hard to maintain the distinction,
    anyhow.... ;) My son is only about a decade younger than his youngest
    aunt and uncle (my two youngest siblings), and always seemed to treat
    them more as siblings than as next generation up... About 9 years
    younger than my brother, and about 12 years younger than my sister...

    Attending two graduations was timeconsuming but welcomed.

    It's an important milestone... :) Congratulations to the both of them
    (and to the families, as well)... :)

    ttyl neb

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