I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't
seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle?
What? I don't know much about her so I don't want to overwhelm her
with questions. How should I procede? Any advice would be greatly
I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We
haven't seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding
myself in "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A
friend? Her uncle? What? I don't know much about her so I don't
want to overwhelm her with questions. How should I procede? Any
advice would be greatly
Never been in those shoes. But I will give you what I think.
1. You have not been involved in her life as her dad, but you are genetically.
2. Since you haven't been, then talk to her as another adult
3. Only offer guidance, advice and opinions when she asks is receptive
to that and you will know because she will prompt you
4. Be there for here as any adult with someone they care about and
make sure to listen and refrain from trying to fix anything
5. Treat her like a new friend that you want to be on better terms
with Last of all do not set any rules, but you can set boundaries (what/how you live your life and what you will or definitely will not
do)
Don't know if this is any good. I imagine over time with the
development of your relationship with her you can development a
structure of father and daughter wherein she recoginizes you as such.
But she has to acknowledge that role, you can't impose it.
Best wishes.
-*- Open!EDIT v0.99k+
--- Ezycom V3.00 01FB002B
* Origin: EZY Prison Board (1:124/5014.1)
sureI have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't
seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle? What? I don't know much about her so I don't want to overwhelm her
with questions. How should I procede? Any advice would be greatly
Never been in those shoes. But I will give you what I think.
1. You have not been involved in her life as her dad, but you are genetically.
2. Since you haven't been, then talk to her as another adult
3. Only offer guidance, advice and opinions when she asks is receptive to that and you will know because she will prompt you
4. Be there for here as any adult with someone they care about and make
to listen and refrain from trying to fix anythingof
5. Treat her like a new friend that you want to be on better terms with
Last of all do not set any rules, but you can set boundaries (what/how you live your life and what you will or definitely will not do)
Don't know if this is any good. I imagine over time with the development
your relationship with her you can development a structure of father and daughter wherein she recoginizes you as such. But she has to acknowledge that role, you can't impose it.This sounds spot on to me also. Also be able and ready to answer any question
Best wishes.
-*- Open!EDIT v0.99k+
I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven'tIf she is emotionally mature, I hope that she can find forgiveness in her heart
seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle?
What? I don't know much about her so I don't want to overwhelm her with questions. How should I procede? Any advice would be greatly
appreciated. Thanks
This sounds spot on to me also. Also be able and ready to answer any question that she might bring up as to why you have not been in
contact with her. But at the same time be very careful of how you
talk about people that has been in her life all this time if there
are hurt feelings between them and you. Now is not the time for her
to see or hear about them from you. This is the time for rebuilding between you and her and those feelings could hurt that if talked
about to early.
I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle? What? I don't
know much about her so I don't want to overwhelm her with questions. How should I procede? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in
"Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle?
1. You have not been involved in her life as her dad, but you are genetically.you
2. Since you haven't been, then talk to her as another adult
3. Only offer guidance, advice and opinions when she asks is receptive to that and you will know because she will prompt you
4. Be there for here as any adult with someone they care about and make sure to listen and refrain from trying to fix anything
5. Treat her like a new friend that you want to be on better terms with
Last of all do not set any rules, but you can set boundaries (what/how
live your life and what you will or definitely will not do)
Don't know if this is any good. I imagine over time with the development of your relationship with her you can development a structure of father and daughter wherein she recoginizes you as such. But she has to acknowledge that role, you can't impose it.
Best wishes.
I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven'tWell, Steve, congrats, first, on reconnecting with your daughter. I hope things go as smoothly as something like this can go.
seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in
The closest thing that I've had to an experience like this was with a little girl whose mother I was dating while she was pregnant from a guy changed due to the husband getting jealous at a later point. At that didn't know how to talk to her, how to relate to her, how to treat her... I tried to just be a friend, to talk to her openly and honestly about whatever she wanted to talk about, at the level of an equal, trying to
Thanks for your input. I am taking it slow with my Daughter. We are only communicating via Facebook but I'm fine with that. I like being able to review my messages before hitting the send button. She actually asked me for some advice the other day regarding her job. That blew me away. I'm just going to take it nice and easy and see where it all goes. Thanks again.
Thanks for your input. I am taking it slow with my Daughter. We are only communicating via Facebook but I'm fine with that. I like being able to reviewsome
my messages before hitting the send button. She actually asked me for
advice the other day regarding her job. That blew me away. I'm just going to
take it nice and easy and see where it all goes. Thanks again.
Steve
Quoting Steve Wolf to All on 04-10-16 04:07 <=-
I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't
seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle?
What? I don't know much about her so I don't want to overwhelm her with questions. How should I procede? Any advice would be greatly
appreciated. Thanks
Quoting Ruben Figueroa to Steve Wolf on 04-10-16 08:56 <=-
I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't
seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle?
What? I don't know much about her so I don't want to overwhelm her
with questions. How should I procede? Any advice would be greatly
Never been in those shoes. But I will give you what I think.
Don't know if this is any good. I imagine over time with the
development of your relationship with her you can development a
structure of father and daughter wherein she recoginizes you as such.
But she has to acknowledge that role, you can't impose it.
Quoting Michael Deig to Ruben Figueroa on 04-10-16 13:17 <=-
This sounds spot on to me also. Also be able and ready to answer any question that she might bring up as to why you have not been in contact with her. But at the same time be very careful of how you talk about people that has been in her life all this time if there are hurt
feelings between them and you. Now is not the time for her to see or
hear about them from you. This is the time for rebuilding between you
and her and those feelings could hurt that if talked about to early.
Michael Deig
Bufkin Ridge Ranch -Sysop
Hi, Ruben... :) Nice to see that you've been lurking here, too... :)
I always did think there were more people around than usually pipe
up.... ;)
contactQuoting Michael Deig to Ruben Figueroa on 04-10-16 13:17 <=-
Another new voice heard from.... :) It's great to see the flurry of activity... :) (No, I'm not the moderator, just a long-time
"resident", and token Mom... [g])
This sounds spot on to me also. Also be able and ready to answer any question that she might bring up as to why you have not been in
New here for both me and my BBS that I am putting back online.with her. But at the same time be very careful of how you talk about people that has been in her life all this time if there are hurt feelings between them and you. Now is not the time for her to see or hear about them from you. This is the time for rebuilding between you and her and those feelings could hurt that if talked about to early.
Good point. :) Better to leave old hurt feelings behind, and not have
them confuse a new relationship being built... Just like it's always
best not to confuse a child by bringing up the hurts one has with the
other parent, or play one against the other... :) Much better to (try,
at least) keep things just to the relationship at hand. :)
Michael Deig
Bufkin Ridge Ranch -Sysop
Are you new to Fidonet (or newly returned)...? I don't think I
recognize the names... :)
ttyl neb
... Dew knot trussed your spiel chequer to find awl miss stakes.
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.20
I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't
seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in
"Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle?
Good to see you sparking some conversation in this echo... :) I've been tick, too... :) Did she initiate the contact...?
ttyl neb
Quoting Ruben Figueroa to Nancy Backus on 04-21-16 09:40 <=-
Hi, Ruben... :) Nice to see that you've been lurking here, too... :)
I always did think there were more people around than usually pipe
up.... ;)
I know a little something about raising daughters. The first
daughter, her mother handled everything and I was clueless. Sorry to
say my involvement as very little, but in her adulthood we have become close in our father daughter relationship.
The second daughter, I was divorced from the first daughter's mom, is
from a 2nd marriage. I was more intensely invovled for a number of reasons, first I was no longer building a career and establising my earnings. I married a very young woman and I was much older (22 yrs)
and we had a daughter, Sarah.
Sarah's mom passed away when she was 6 years old and she is now 17
going on 18 this August. So I was intrinsically involved in her upbringing. Many things I found out how little I knew about little
girls, girls maturing (puberty) girls and their hearts, and I could go
on and on. I did have some help from my eldest daughter, that's when
our relationship began to develop.
Now Sarah is a Senior, ready to graduate, driving and ready to go to college to start her life and so I am entering into another phase with her, her independence of dad is lessening more and more. Her love is strong, I can see it and feel it but she no longer my little girl.
Kind of hard to take but understandable. I am 65 if you are wondering, she was born when I was 47.
So the advice I gave was based on both of those experiences and my daughters thing and respond. I found out it is very important that I
stop what doing and concentrate what they are wanting my attention. It tells them they are always first and of utmost importance to me, which they are.
Anyways Sarah is close to graduation and she has one more report card
to show me from High School. I guess I was feeling a little something.
I am so proud of her. Don't know how she turned out to be such a good person. So much like her mom who showed me many things even as young
as she was.
Well see you later Nancy. Have a good day.
Quoting Michael Deig to Nancy Backus on 04-21-16 18:56 <=-
Michael DeigAre you new to Fidonet (or newly returned)...? I don't think I
Bufkin Ridge Ranch -Sysop
recognize the names... :)
New here for both me and my BBS that I am putting back online.
Quoting Steve Wolf to Nancy Backus on 04-25-16 10:13 <=-
Re: Re: Daughter Advice
By: NANCY BACKUS to STEVE WOLF on Wed Apr 20 2016 09:11 am
I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't
seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in
"Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle?
Did she initiate the contact...?
Yes she did Nancy. She found me on Facebook.
I'm taking it slow with my Daughter. She attend college and works on
the weekends. She is a very busy young lady. She also has a BF on
campus so I consider myself lucky just to get a few "tweets" in.
NB RF> Yes, she is going on to college and hopes to be able to develop a NB RF> career in working with handicapped children. She had a great
NB RF> experience and develop a love for that in her junior year of high NB RF> school.
NB
NB That sounds wonderful... Did she do volunteer work...? or have a
NB part-time job with it...?
Quoting Ruben Figueroa to Nancy Backus on 12-May-2016 18:27 <=-
Yes, she is going on to college and hopes to be able to
develop a career in working with handicapped children. She had
a great experience and develop a love for that in her junior
year of high school.
That sounds wonderful... Did she do volunteer work...? or have a
part-time job with it...?
It was part of her curriculum at the High School
As long as she knows when it's less
appropriate to indulge in such, she should be ok... ;)
I think she does, thought I did put my two cents in to be sure (:-)
-!- GAPNet Enhanced
! Origin: GAP Prison Board, Mesquite, Tx (1:124/5014)
Ah, I see you've got a GAP board too, then... ;)
Yep sure do. Telnet is ezypb.darktech.org:2323
All the boards I float here can be reached at telnet rdfig.net
Also you can use web browser ftelnet to: http://www.rdfig.net/public/ftelnet/bbsflash.htm
and you can access all the boards.
Quoting Ruben Figueroa to Nancy Backus on 05-Jun-2016 17:41 <=-
Just discovered that I hadn't replied to this... been a crazy
month, that Real Life stuff didn't let up much... and somehow I
managed to only save this message but not mark it for answering
later.... oh, well.. I'm back now... <G>
Glad to see you!
Someday I might stop by and check things out... How many different
boards are you running, then....? I've noticed you showing up in a
number of different forums.... ;)
Let's see: Wildcat, Mystic (my main and feeds the following bbs's)
EzyCom, GAP. VADV. Also have a WWIV Board.
You can telnet to each of them individally or connect to my Gamesrv at rdfig.net and you can see all the boards available and connect to them
and you will also see by TradeWars Server there also.
Oh, just for info, my daughter graduated last week from High School,
and my grandson did this weekend. He's six month older than she is!
But she rags on him now that she graduated first. And he refuses since the day he knew what an aunt was to call her Aunt Sarah. That's my grandson, stubborn like his dad and grandfather.
Attending two graduations was timeconsuming but welcomed.
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