Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 11-Jul-2015 20:59 <=-
Re: Summer plans was: shinies and sickies was: camping
By: Nancy Backus to Damon A. Getsman on Sat Jun 27 2015 19:44:06
Now that's a major bummer... and the construction itself makes it not
so safe a place to be unattended, even in the parts not actually under
construction...
Yeah I feel pretty terrible about how much he's been inside lately. Especially since my Aikido fund got pirated by somebody that had a banking error who was depositing the checks that are made out to him
but go to both of us. :|
a lot. Unfortunately that option is out as well. I'm still looking
for places, but my range is getting considerably farther out and making anything except vehicle travel to these places impossible. I need a
new laptop; having my one with a good battery isn't going to help much now that I realized that the wireless is out on it as well. At least
if I'm going to work while he's doing his frolicking.
I remember going to a small neighborhood library when we lived in PA...That was really what I was hoping for when I headed to the local
there wasn't a kids section per se, but there was an area where the
kids' books were all kept together... I could walk there by myself (we
moved there when I was going into 6th grade), and it was a preferred
hangout.. ;)
branch here. Unfortunately, the local branches are miniscule, and the main location that does have all of that stuff that I'd like to take
him to is buried in the inner city. I mean, I guess we could take the bus once in awhile and stuff, but getting me to want to go into the
inner city takes elephant tranquilizers or something. I fear and avoid it.
Good things to note about my son, though. I'm trying to get out of
this as fast as I can. Before the financial debaucle happened, I
thought I was getting over a quarter, if not closer to a third, of the amount that I want to have before I can start considering relocating to
a better location. It happened quick. Should happen even quicker when I'm making the same wages and getting repaid for that, I suppose.
For sure it gets easier when you have a more settled environment... :)
But behaviors can still be regulated, even when things are crowded and
unsettled... A lot of the training is probably going to be on dealing
with the situation as it is, and learning to self-manage... and praise
when he copes well with things will help as much or more than the
consequences of bad behavior... :)
I think that I have more work in being engaged with him and figuring
out some creative things than he does ahead of him there. I've failed
at that a little bit lately. Something's taken the wind out of my
sails a bit, and unfortunately I've allowed that to leave him on the playstation way too much. Time to correct that error and provide
something-- anything-- else, even if it's just neighborhood exploration walks and more runs with me. That's part of it, my health got foul for
a couple of days, so I haven't been able to go on my normal runs and routines that keep me grounded. Plus I take Deschain along on his bike (now that he can't keep up running any more) when I'm going for runs
and the like. Tomorrow morning I'm going to make sure that I get up
and start doing all of that again, even if I have to make some
emergency toilet breaks along the way or whatever. Pardon my level of detail.
Anyway, more soon. I'm trying to dig myself out of this pit
that I've ended up in; it's nearing some of the bipolar low territories that I'm familiar with from not being medicated. :P Getting to all of the correspondence is an integral part of this, at this point, I
believe. Enough about my troubles. ;)
Ah, so that's how it happened... I might have guessed... :) Being so
far behind, though, I can hope that things are starting to resolve themselves by now... :) I'd guess that it wasn't an intentional
error, though, some people just aren't good at careful accounting... :|
Sounds to me as though perhaps you are expecting both too much of the library and too much trouble from the inner city... Starting small with the miniscule branch might not be the worst thing, and perhaps the inner city isn't quite as bad as you fear...? Of course, true, I don't know
the particulars of your town... but I do have some experience in
actually living in the "bad part" of town, and finding it not as scary
as purported... :)
As long as it's only temporary, it's best to not get too upset by it... and hopefully, it won't happen again....
True... there's training for yourself there, too... training yourself to keep your balance despite the vagaries of life... so as to be able toFor sure it gets easier when you have a more settled environment...
help him keep his balance... :)
Hope things have gotten more back to normal by now... :)
Doesn't hurt to have someone to tell them to... ;) And correspondence can help you keep your perspective... :)
Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 01-Aug-2015 12:47 <=-
finally caught up. I've been working on reducing any unnecessary spending as much as possible in order to be able to do this. Balancing future needs with present needs is always a little difficult for me in tight circumstances, though.
Sounds to me as though perhaps you are expecting both too much of theWell okay I'm gonna go ahead and rephrase this in terms of my agoraphobia. When things aren't going the absolute best for me, I have some serious terms in going out into any place where I can't avoid
library and too much trouble from the inner city... Starting small with
the miniscule branch might not be the worst thing, and perhaps the inner
city isn't quite as bad as you fear...? Of course, true, I don't know
the particulars of your town... but I do have some experience in
actually living in the "bad part" of town, and finding it not as scary
as purported... :)
other people, unless it's people that I already know well. I'm trying not to just pull this out of my ass as an excuse; at times it can be an excuse, but lately I haven't been doing too well with the combination
of that, being stuck in a quagmire that was making me unable to produce anything decently while work was paying me significantly per hour, then hours were cut, my money was lost, and a bit of self-esteem temporarily went out the window with all of that. It's that kind of situation that makes my agoraphobic tendencies flare up.
It gets bad enough so that I can't even go out for my daily run and
do the things that I need to for personal maintenance and coping
unless I do them early or late enough (and lately I haven't been
able to do it late at all) to avoid almost all people along the way.
It's not so much the 'bad part of town' aspect, it's simple
population density. I hate driving there, the bus to get there is hell for me if I don't have a couple of xanax under my tongue, and I know
that place is beautiful and expansive, precisely what we're looking
for, but I need to be able to deal with it first at this phase.
It sucks when I know that my own issues are holding back my son's abilities like this at times. At least his ability to get out and socialize a little bit more. That being said, with the fiscal
situation getting back together, my coping mechanisms back in place,
and the hours cap being restored (though only to halfway of the max
that it'd gone to before), my esteem is rising a bit again towards the point where I might be able to consider this soon.
If nothing else there's a knitting class that's free if you bring
your own supplies at the library branch that we go to (miniscule) that
I want to try out at some point even if I'm all agoraphobic just for
more practice working through it. Seems like a calm enough setting to start with.
As long as it's only temporary, it's best to not get too upset by it...Finances are separate from our employer now. I made sure of that.
and hopefully, it won't happen again....
I won't be losing money to something like this again. Heh.
I've got my balancing pole and I'm tryin' to use it. ;)For sure it gets easier when you have a more settled environment...True... there's training for yourself there, too... training yourself to
keep your balance despite the vagaries of life... so as to be able to
help him keep his balance... :)
Hope things have gotten more back to normal by now... :)It took awhile, but they're definitely doing better as of the last
week. Hell, just yesterday I finally got through the quagmire on that coding project. I mean I've billed these guys for over a hundred hours
on this stuff and they haven't been able to see any result at all.
Until yesterday. I finally got it working. That was the deepest delve I've gone into on this code so far and the fact that I got out successfully and with their feature implemented, even after so long, makes me feel great. Plus now I know how everything is structured in there, so anything that I might have to do after this point is going
to take a fraction of the time of this particular job. God that had me feeling out, exposed, and like doom was coming for me for awhile. I am definitely not secure in my feelings/experience as a developer yet.
Somehow got ahead of myself with the last message... out of sequence... now going back to the older packets... ;)
Tight circumstances certainly complicate financial planning, make for a lot more juggling... ;)
of that. It's that kind of situation that makes my agoraphobicUnderstood... not so much an excuse as an explanation....
tendencies flare up.
Becomes almost a Catch-22... Another reason for somehow managing to get that inner balance stabilized, so that circumstances don't knock you off center so easily...
So it's mostly the getting there, but also a little of the "new people
to deal with" that holds you back...?
And learning to work through the agoraphobia is a very good exercise. :) The knitting could be useful, too... ;) And having something to keep your mind and fingers occupied can get the mind off the fears as well...
Bravo on the accomplishment... :) Keep that in mind to balance out the insecurities that are sure to arise again... :) A few more triumphs
like that, and maybe you can dispel the naysayers in your mind... :)
Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 14-Aug-2015 06:55 <=-
Somehow got ahead of myself with the last message... out of sequence...I think that might've been my system's fault at this point.
now going back to the older packets... ;)
I used to have a problem where the Synchronet BBS process would jump
up to 100% CPU usage, and totally stop importing any messages to networked message areas. My guess is that it stopped sending outbound
at the same time. Anyway I was wondering why things had been so quiet for a few days, took a look at the process list, saw that was the
case, and fixed it a few days ago... So there might have been a small deluge of messages that'd be held up on my system. Unless it was just
an error on your part in which case shame, shame. ;)
Tight circumstances certainly complicate financial planning, make forIt's something I'm used to, but looking forward to giving up, while trying to stay somewhat reasonably frugal. Juggling is tough; I spent
a lot more juggling... ;)
an entire summer trying to teach myself to do it with balanced
objects... Financial instruments don't balance nearly as easily. ;)
of that. It's that kind of situation that makes my agoraphobic
tendencies flare up.
Understood... not so much an excuse as an explanation....Well, I perhaps overcompensate for the fact that a lot of people
view these kinds of issues as completely head games or excuses for losers/lazy people. The stigma with mental illness, if you want to go
all out and call it that, is heavy and burdensome. So I try to make a little joke about it now and then to defuse any of those
pure-of-thought Sith out there who are planning on telling me that I
have a weak mind and need longer bootstraps. ;)
Becomes almost a Catch-22... Another reason for somehow managing to getIt does very easily. I've fallen out of habit with running and meditating again lately, too (medication went into flux for a few
that inner balance stabilized, so that circumstances don't knock you off
center so easily...
days). Hell, it got stressful enough from the med flux that I actually picked up smoking for a little bit again, too. :( Those catch-22s are horribly easy to fall back into; I hang onto that stability like it's
the last warm piece of wreckage from the titanic when I can.
I just wish the VA would find some more reliable, and less down-to-the-minute way to send my medications, so that if something
does go wrong, I don't have to go all up and down the taper again and deal with The Fears during the time my brain is resetting.
No, it was mine, pure and simple... I have a stack of BW message packets on the computer, and it was more than a page in the reader listing, so I ended up answering a message in a newer packet before doing the older packets... :)
With any luck, they'll not be made of glass and shatter when you drop them... <G> Seriously, though, staying reasonably frugal makes good sense... then when the inevitable down times come, one is in a better position to weather them, both by practice and by not already being over-extended... :)
Indeed. Unbroken bootstraps might be helpful... but those calling for their use rarely supply the need... ;0
Shoulda been running and meditating instead of picking up the smoking, after all... ;) But yeah, I hear you... :)
That's part of the problem with needing meds... no way to have a more reliable way of getting them than what you have now...? And probably no way to build yourself a small emergency stockpile to tide you over when this sort of thing happens... You'd think that the VA would recognize
the importance of keeping the meds stable to keep you stable...
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