Chicken pox at 20 ruined fathering kids for me. It put me in the
hospital for a week, and out of work at a local restaurant, and out of
class at the local college for 2 months, by order of the health
department. The only "son" my late wife and I had was a
"dachshund"...see tagline below.
With some people, their pets are their kids...and discipline is
important with both.
The peer pressure nowadays is horrendous...and I thought it was bad when
I was growing up!!
Whether a single Dad or a single Mom, it still is a big responsibility.
Even married, it's still a responsibility. Sadly, nowadays, most kids
think a relationship and committment is measured in seconds, not
decades. I've heard of cases where they got married Friday night, and
were in divorce court on Monday. :(
Wasn't aware that chicken pox could do that, actually. That's kind
of a shame. :( Well, I mean I think it is, anyway. I know that
having my son goaded a change and a level of responsibility/maturity
Absolutely. I knew I was in for a bad stretch in life when I was a
kid and I saw that the dog I got my mother actually trained her instead of her being able to train it. ;)
Seriously, though, that happened. I've written extensively about the mistakes of my parents, and how I've managed to do fairly well-- at
least _I_ think-- learning from primarily negative examples. I really should've caught my mom's dog training her on video the last time I
spent time there, before the dementia made a relationship with her completely impossible.
Ack. I dunno, I just moved out of the projects here; it was terrible there, much worse, like you're saying, than when I was a kid. I'm
really hoping that it's not quite as severe now that I'm in a better
area of town, though. Gonna keep my fingers crossed on that one.
Tell me about it. I'm still licking wounds from my last
relationship. She taught me a hell of a lot about how to be a much better human being, how not to judge on stupid superficial qualities,
Best wishes and a happy new year to ye!
Quoting Daryl Stout to Nancy Backus on 29 Dec 13 01:00:04 <=-
activity... but I'm still here... not a single father (obviously) nor even a single mom... married with one grown son, no grandkids yet...
Chicken pox at 20 ruined fathering kids for me. It put me in the
hospital for a week, and out of work at a local restaurant, and out of class at the local college for 2 months, by order of the health department.
With some people, their pets are their kids...and discipline is
important with both.
Even kids raised in "normal", two-parent, secure homes can end up broken... sometimes it has less to do with the raising, and more to do with the person him/herself... But a child being lovingly raised even
by just one parent can grow up to be a really well put-together person.
The peer pressure nowadays is horrendous...and I thought it was bad
when I was growing up!!
Whether a single Dad or a single Mom, it still is a big
responsibility. Even married, it's still a responsibility.
Sadly, nowadays, most kids think a relationship and committment is measured in seconds, not decades. I've heard of cases where they got married Friday night, and were in divorce court on Monday. :(
The Grinch stole my Christmas...basically, when my dentures broke.
And, with the place I get them prepared being closed until after the
new year...not to mention having to then set up an appointment to go
in, it may be 2 weeks before I can "fully graze" again.
You obviously had a particularly bad case of it. I thought it was
mumps that was the fathering-killer disease... since it affects glands.
Dunno about "most kids", but there is a disturbing trend to not understand the concept of commitment... or to give up on it even after years of marriage.. I've known too many friends and family members
that have gone that way...
The Grinch stole my Christmas...basically, when my dentures broke.
That's a bummer... :(
My New Year's got a bit disgruntled, with my getting sick Sunday night, and only now starting to be almost back to normal... Ended missing out on my extended family's Christmas get-together on Monday, too...
... Reboot: What you do to the computer after the first kick fails
Quoting Damon Getsman to Daryl Stout on 31 Dec 13 22:46:50 <=-
Chicken pox at 20 ruined fathering kids for me. It put me in the
hospital for a week, and out of work at a local restaurant, and out of
class at the local college for 2 months, by order of the health
Wasn't aware that chicken pox could do that, actually.
That's kind of a shame. :( Well, I mean I think it is, anyway. I
know that having my son goaded a change and a level of responsibility/ maturity that I wouldn't have been able to attain without him, as well
as a level of compassion that I would've never gotten to. I have some friends who choose to remain childfree, and I totally respect that opinion, but at the same time I can tell that they haven't had those changes in outlook that I have. It really adds a whole new facet to humanity and the evolution of the self, I believe. It's definitely a small, crowded world, though, and if everybody were reproducing that
would only make things worse. Still, I think that things would be a _little_ bit better, maybe, if everybody were to have that added level
of selflessness that becoming a parent added to most of the people that I've seen have children. Then again, I've seen people have children, continue partying their socks off, and let their infant die due to neglect/malnutrition over the course of a really long binge. Well, not personally seen, thank god (I'd be incarcerated for a murder charge
pretty quick if I were to personally see something like that, I'm
sure), but read about it in the newspaper. So obviously there are
people that are completely immune to the effects that I've seen on
myself and some others.
The peer pressure nowadays is horrendous...and I thought it was bad
when I was growing up!!
Ack. I dunno, I just moved out of the projects here; it was
terrible there, much worse, like you're saying, than when I was a kid. I'm really hoping that it's not quite as severe now that I'm in a
better area of town, though. Gonna keep my fingers crossed on that
one.
Tell me about it. I'm still licking wounds from my last
relationship. She taught me a hell of a lot about how to be a much
better human being, how not to judge on stupid superficial qualities,
and all kinds of other important things. I learned to be a better man because of her. Then I committed to her. Less than three weeks later
she dumped me. I still don't know why. After dating for over a year.
It's karmic retribution for the way I was in my teens and twenties, I
know that much, but i really hope it's done with soon. I'd like my son
to have a [step-] mother in his life, too, especially once I'm
employed full time again. He's had way too much flux in his life, I
want him (and myself) to have something that we can count on, and I've never had a stable family-- ever-- my parents sure as hell weren't a family.
Quoting Daryl Stout to Damon Getsman on 01 Jan 14 01:40:14 <=-
Wasn't aware that chicken pox could do that, actually. That's kind
of a shame. :( Well, I mean I think it is, anyway. I know that
having my son goaded a change and a level of responsibility/maturity
First, any childhood disease is MUCH WORSE in an adult.
Second, I've seen several posts on Facebook where they wish they
waited to have kids, so they could "have a life" first. I have a
very weak gag reflex...not to mention having a "bad experience"
with an unsupervised child awhile back at a local bowling alley (he destroyed my umbrella, and the parents denied their son did it).
Plus, the way the world is going, I'm glad I'm not having kids.
Of course...the pet is the most important creature in the home. <G>
Mumps at that age or older has that rep... I suppose that if one ran a very high temp with chicken pox (or measles, for that matter) one could have various things be affected. Childhood diseases do tend to be worse on adults that get them... one reason my mom tried to make sure I got
the measles by making me stay in close contact with a younger sibling
that did have them... I never did get measles, of any sort, so
apparently I have a natural immunity there... :)
Yup... no easy answers... ;) I agree that having a child to be responsible for can kick up one's maturity level... as long as one
accepts that responsibility... :) And similar situations can produce
the same reponse... like being the oldest sibling suddenly totally responsible for the younguns, due to some family catastrophe... And
then there are those that one wonders why they had a child, since it obviously is only a hindrance or an inconvenience to them... probably
were only thinking of some implied glamour or some such...
In a better part of town, things probably won't be as much in your
face... but there may still be some issues... Just have to help your son learn how to deal with peer pressure, and hope that he can make some friends that can provide peer support... I suspect things aren't that much different from when I was growing up, or when we were raising our son, but there seems to be less structured support for kids that want to do the right thing...
Some people are just more committed to the idea of commitment than they are to actually handling real commitment... My little brother married a woman he'd been living with for a number of years beforehand, she'd been pushing him to commit, and finally he came round, and they got married, saying that nothing really would be different in their relationship.
Less than 6 months later, she wanted out... he was devastated... turns
out the "non-issues" were more important than they were figuring... and her friends treated her differently as a married woman rather than a shacking-up one... go figure...
That certainly doesn't make it any easier for you, does it... ;0 If it makes you feel any better, being without a mother is probably better for him than having someone that isn't going to be a good mother to him...
you may be able to be that both mother and father to him that you are doing now, and that might be best. Of course, that's not saying that it wouldn't be wonderful to find the right woman that would complete your little family and fill in all sorts of gaps... while you do the same for her... :)
Quoting Damon Getsman to Nancy Backus on 08 Jan 14 21:42:43 <=-
Yeah I've heard of other systemic complications becoming more and
more common as age at onset of infection rises, but the reproductive
harm was a new one to me. Gah. I know I got it harder at 14 than most any of the kids I know that got it during the single digits. Thinking back to how bad I had it, it must be pretty horrifying at later ages.
I always kind of knew that my priorities would get a dramatic reboot
for the better once I had someone relying on me.. I don't know, it
kind of sounds like a wrong reason, doing it for a reason outside of myself, but I don't really know how else to explain it.
My priorities were screwed up waaaaay beyond the norm for those ages between my early teens and late twenties. At some point it became
almost a life or death situation to me; adding the 'almost' might
have just been an effort by me to pad how dire the situation was to
myself there, actually. Regardless, it didn't happen immediately
upon my newly taken responsibility as a fulltime single father, but
the change started immediately, and it put me onto much more stable
ground very quickly.
I remember some of the ones that you're talking about, purposely
getting pregnant in their early teens for reasons of 'implied
glamor'... Never did understand it totally, although the idea had
some superficial attractions for me, as well.
I'm glad I waited until I
did; any later and I probably would've ended up in the grave, any
earlier, and I probably wouldn't have given my child what he or she
would truly have deserved as far as opportunity and stability goes.
He's getting a crash course in that very well now. We're at a place
that has 6 kids on most days, and 8 a few days a week when some of the part-time custody kiddies are around. :) It's taking other people to
pull me aside and let him learn from the social interaction, instead of wanting to always protect his feelings, but when they help me to
realize that he's developing social skills that were always above my level, because I never experienced that or got used to it, well then
it's a little easier.
I still can't function well in a room where
everybody pairs off and/or goes into small, little groups. I'm fine
with one or two people, or doing speeches to a hundred people. Throw
me into a party, though, and I'm doomed to be a wallflower.
Hrm... This one really leads me to introspect... Might be a little
while before I'm able to process and learn about my own self and what exactly I need vs. what I want vs. what would be best for me on this. I've been struggling with that very issue, I think, since I was in my
very early teens, maybe even a little before that, as early on as it
may seem.
I certainly hope that I meet the right woman some day, but I also hope it's at a time when I am able to devote 100% to that woman. Right now
I think that's out of my grasp. I just keep expecting everything to go bad, after all the years of knives in the back and other treachery.
Not that all of it has been at me; I won't lie, more than a little of
it has come _from_ me, as well. :( I'm keeping my fingers crossed,
and in the meantime, I shall continue to work on myself. Which is a struggle every day, as I'm presented with unending and repetitive
examples of people that are just _perfect_ for pointing my finger at.
;)
Thank you, for this whole discussion. It is really nice to be
able to talk about some of these things.
Peace & namaste.
Sysop: | DaiTengu |
---|---|
Location: | Appleton, WI |
Users: | 906 |
Nodes: | 10 (0 / 10) |
Uptime: | 211:11:46 |
Calls: | 12,035 |
Files: | 186,477 |
Messages: | 2,214,426 |